Intuitively Uberfrau

OK - I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Pondering. Worrying. Laughing. Stressing....and in the end it needs to stop. And so, I think that my focus for this next month is to eat intuitively.

I feel like I've been thinking about food too much. It's weirding me out. This maintenance thing is tricky...I know me and how I can get, and I feel I need to relax and stop focusing on it so much. The scientist in me wants it to be all precise and measured and calculated....and you can't do that to life. I need to step away from the numbers. Eat well. Sleep. Build muscle. Work on my nutritious and focus on being uberfrau. No guilt. No punishments or rewards based on food.

It's tricky, as I'm mid PMS at the moment and feel as tho I could rip my arm off, dip it in tartar sauce and have a nice pre-supper snack, but I will persevere to sanity and beyond. :)

Here's to me :)

Nice weekend.

This morning I was up and out the door to the gym. I did my upper body and abs and 28 minutes on the bike, and I'm in for lunch with a good breakfast and a healthy sandwich for lunch. Eees all good.
I had a nice weekend - got some work done on my MSc and had a family supper visit, at which I managed to keep it together and not overeat and still have a glass of wine. Sunday I relaxed with my husband and made some raspberry cornmeal scones as a reward for shampooing the rug in our dining room (grrr...i love my cats i love my cats...)
Mmmmmm. The scones were heaven. I even kept it together with healthy nibbling at a friend's house playing video games last night. It could have been better...but it could have been worse. I'm currently hormonal and could eat everything in sight, so I'm trying to roll with it and do my best. Relaxing with friends helped relieve stress's fun to spend the evening like a student every once in a while - video game and pretzel therapy - it makes you feel young. :)

The cake visit last week got me obsessing about cake and baked goods (thanks PMS), so I had to make something baked that I loved and get it out of my system this weekend. Scones were just the trick. I healthified them as much as I could and then enjoyed them thoroughly and sensibly (mmmmm). I must say - it was easier last semester when I was really busy to eat healthy - I only had time for the healthy meals I packed with no snacks. I can tell it's going to be a new, daily thing working on the anti-snacking thing and keeping my indulgences within normal range. To maintain. I'm trying to be intuitive about what I eat. It's tricky. Food and I have an uneasy partnership...and I don't want to be obsessive about it, but yet I can't just "be". Not yet. That will come I hope.
Tomorrow is grocery day and I'm planning out healthy meals and food ideas. My husband and I are determined to be healthy this winter and not just hibernate away the winter eating cake :)

I hope you all had a lovely weekend. I did. this week is another busy one, but I'm ready.
Bring it on!

Friends with cake are the best kinds of friends :)

Last night I got a lot of work done and then took out some books to read (got my public library card renewed finally) and got down to some serious reading for my class. And, I must say, it is all so bloody fascinating! I'm learning about the 3 big people responsible for quality and quality assurance in the world - Shewhart, Demming and Juran. Fascinating guys. Then I'm applying it to a well known lab measurement method and then using this knowledge to apply to my own project for a final paper. Man - I love this directed learning stuff :)
And lo and behold in the midst of reading, my friend and his girl called on the chicklet (my red cellphone) and in a few minutes had popped in at our door with a surprise cake. A yummy cake...with coconut buttercream. Oh Yum. So, I took a break from reading, yakked happily and ate come cake. Yes, I should probably not have eaten the cake as this week is supposed to be a concentrated no crap week...but what do you do in this sort of a situation? It's rare for people to just pop by, especially with cake made just for you...and it was so nice to just hang out for a bit. I only have a few close friends, many of whom live far away, so I really enjoy hanging out with friends when I'm as busy as I am. And yes, I had a small piece of cake so I wasn't too evil - but this sort of thing makes me wonder. Cake in itself is not bad...and isn't the whole part of being healthy and working out so that you can have cake every once in a while? Or am I just rationalizing it? Or should this not even be an issue at all?
Good grief my head gets the best of me at times...
All I know is I resolve to try and be good, eating only what I choose to and enjoy it completely, as I seem to be maintaining what I am at the moment, and I want to stay here. Cake and all. Delicious cake...

So...with great vigour, this AM I was up and in the gym for legwork. During a squat with increased weights my knee twinged, but I was kind to it after and I think it's OK. I won't go up to that weight level again. Then I did 30 minutes on the bike and some abwork and then raced to get ready for work on time with some Fibre One and a banana with almond milk for breakfast.

It's another long day, but I'm feeling very loved and full of knowledge...and cake :)

over the hump

Well this morning I was up and out the door to do my upper body work and then some time on the exercise bike. Today felt good...I bumped up to the 12.5 Lb dumbbells which look all manly and less shiny because someone else had the 12s and it was fine. I felt extra strong with the new dumbbells. Cheesy I know, but hey - I'll take it. My abs are a bit sore from my abfest yesterday and I am tired, but that is the way it goes lately.

Last night I was pretty proud of myself. I had a long day of work, then a few hours of cell culture for my MSc project and then a stop in the library for some books I have to read this weekend (goody) for my class. J came and got me and when I finally got home I was determined to make a healthy meal even tho I was tired and ravenous. We ended up with something fast but still really healthy: "Gramma salad" (cabbage apple nut salad) with some homemade lean ground pork burgers. I had no bun, just some salsa and cheese - I am finding I like them sans bun lately as the taste of the meat doesn't get lost in with all the other stuff. I put a bit of bran and some curry in the burgers as I made them and they were really yummy. It was really tasty and healthy. It gave me fuel to read a few more hours before I fell into bed.
Today is another long day, but I think I'm ready. I have some quinoa/veg salad and a leftover burger patty from last night for lunch so I'm good. The pantry is a bit bare so I'm trying to get creative to stay healthy until grocery day on tuesday. I had some fibre one mixed with granola and some almond milk along with my post workout shake and banana this morning and I feel pretty good. It's no cottage cheese, but I can't be queen every day :) The challenge for me when I get busy is not to give in and pick the simple processed premade foods full of chemicals and salts and fats to save time. I'm determined to treat my body with as much respect and care as I treat everything else - most of the time I can keep with it. I'm really glad about that.

Here's hoping today is a great day :)

Adding some planks to core day

I always thought "what's the big deal about planks anyways?". They really don't look that hard. I know they are excellent for building core strength so I figure I should do more to strengthen my core. Well today I decided, having declared Wednesday core/ab day a while back, I'd try them.
And holy crap are they hard! Sure I do a lot of core work on core day, but I didn't realise just how hard it was to hold your body in place for any length of time. I thought I'd have enough strength to do it no prob. I've done a few in the past for 20 seconds, but I figured I'd go for 1 minutes ones today. Really see what I'm made of.

After 30 minutes of speed walking on an incline I got down to business. I've worked up from a few flailing crunches over 5 months to a really solid ab/core workout. My full on amazon abs/core work looks like this:
50 regular crunches
50 lower ab crunch/leg raises
50 side crunches on each side
50 moving elbow to knee crunches, both sides (not sure what they are called - twist crunches? windmills??)
50 medicine ball side to side torso twists with a 10 Lb ball
2 X 30 second"snake" back extensions while lying on your stomach (
25 alternating arm/leg extensions for the back on the exercise ball
30 stick your but up in the air thingys (lower body lift? I have no idea what it's actually called)
30 "V" crunch/situps with arm/leg extensions (again I have no idea what they're actually called...I've heard them called tuck ups)

Yup - I'm hard core :)
In the middle of this I thought I'd add 2 sets of planks, on front and each side. And man...I could do 1 minute of each once. My second set of them at the end were about 20 seconds long and then I had nothing else left so I stretched and headed for the shower. Curious. this will give me something new to focus on...increasing my plank time. Stronger is better. :)

But, end result of this? Well, I'm much stronger, not stiff in my back anymore and I can see my abs. Kind of like a six pack. I've taken to navel gazing in the shower...cuz they look *cool* :)

zen and the art of muscle maintenance

Wow...I learned yesterday and this morning why I like working out really early. I went to the gym yesterday for my workout after work and it was so incredibly crowded. I had to work in sets on the machines and wait for weights to do my upper body work. I even had to wait for a stretch out mat. The room was sweaty and humid. Thankfully the exercise bikes aren't every one's first choice so I didn't have to worry about them, but man. So crowded.
This morning?
Much better.
Instead of over a hundred people there was maybe 30...lots of room to work in my legwork (got my lunges in again today) and do my cardio on the bike. Lots of room to stretch. No fighting for outlets in the bathroom to dry my much more zen and relaxing. Yes I'm always tired to start out with, but I really find my workout time to be a solace, sort of zen thing for me and all those people yesterday really made it hard to get into the groove.

It's kind of cool to realise you're doing the right thing. Instead of getting home late, tired and hungry, I have just had a delicious breakfast and I have the whole day to look forward to now!

Yay life :)

Oh dear - could I be morphing into a morning person?

snack attack

Well we were away all weekend and got back late, so I'm working out after work today instead of before, to get in a bit more sleep this morning. I still have healthy food and a post-workout protein shake. All is well.

I relearned an evil trigger food for me over the weekend. We went to a potluck on saturday night and I'd brought along some cookies and muffins along with us for it and I must have eaten 7 or 8 cookies on the trip up there. Thing is - normally I don't have an issue with sweet stuff. As I slowly inhaled cookies over the trip remembered just why I didn't make these particular cookies anymore -because I liked them so much. Too much. My mum had the best chocolate chip cookie recipe ever (no don't even. They are the best. The end.). I make them for potlucks and such...a guaranteed winner. Being trapped in a car with them was too much. I was reminded this weekend that despite my best efforts, I cannot eat "just one" of some things like this that will set me off. "Oh, just one" turns in to many. I wish I could say I'd gotten over all that. But it never really goes away entirely...

I cannot let that happen very often. Maintaining weight loss does not allow for 10 odd cookies daily :) So, I'm chalking it up to a learning experience and will stay away from unhealthy stuff for a while. No trigger foods in the house. Sometimes I'm terrified that this is how it will be again. That I'll just eat my way back to how I was. I don't know if you get over that entirely.

Do you?

Pulp edition

I admit it -sometimes exercise can be dull. I enjoy most of what I do in my morning workouts, but when my knee flares up and the pool (grrr) still isn't open after repairs, I'm often delegated to 30 minutes on the exercise bike for some cardio. Some days it's all good. Often the news will be on the gym TV. Maybe a cooking show, the Sopranos or even (squee!) the Golden Girls.
Occasionally, like this morning, I'll really be bored and want something to keep me occupied while I pedal that doesn't involve talking to the creepy guy on the bike next to me and the TV's have all been reset to (sigh) sports. Then I dive into the gym's drawer of free "fitness" and "health" magazines to read while pedalling away. I find it makes other people uncomfortable if I spend my time watching them workout, so I figured it would be a decent entertainment.
The more I read them, the more I realize - boy was I wrong. I think my brain actually shrinks ever so slightly as I read them...I'd have probably been better off reading regular crap publications like Vanity Fair. At least I'd know what I was in for...

Over the last few months I have read a variety of "health" and "fitness" magazines and have concluded that 95% of them all spout the same crap:
-Exercises that supposedly sculpt the perfect abs/ass performed by models with minimal muscles
-How high intensity interval training is an exciting new concept that will change my life (yes it's good, but seriously...I know already)
-How diets and diet pills are bad - but oh hey what's advertised on the next page? Grrrr
-insipid articles about how some famous person with a decent body works out and eat's healthy - "they're just like us!" *sigh*
-How I need to lose 10 Lbs.
-How I can lose 10 lbs. In a week. By eating *insert new wonder food here*
-Healthified recipes that might taste good...but most of them are just basics that you'd already know how to make if you cooked from scratch. And some of them would not taste good. I don't care if it's healthy -don't be mucking with recipes to make them bland.
-"sexy" bedroom tips. This also amuses and saddens me. A - how is this fitness related? and B -Maybe I've just got it going on at home but really - do you need to tell people obvious things to do in bed? Is it not fun for you already (you should try harder >;) )? Apparently I am a freak for getting it on a lot as it appears they think most magazine readers are grasping for any mojo action. I've gotta tell you - nothing makes you feel more sexy than being healthy and in shape. I'm not kidding. You can't teach that in a magazine...just work your own mojo people :)
-Inspiring weight loss stories. OK this part isn't so bad. I do like to read about other people getting healthy. It's part of what I like about the Internet - the instant online support in getting healthy and losing weight. What bugs me is the photos. The attitude in most of the articles that this person was less before they were thin. Come on people...shame is never the proper instructional tool.

OK soap box away.
I'm just a bit annoyed at the state of the health and fitness media.
I find it increasingly difficult in my quest to be healthy to get good, true and accurate information on healthy living, weightlifting and exercise that isn't filled with "we're all girls together gosh golly gee" crap or that I'm somehow invalid if I am not stick thin, or can run an Iron Man.
Maybe it's the scientist thing. I don't like being pandered to or treated like a fluffy headed bint.
Just give me facts.

I am hopeful - I have Rachel Cosgrove's book about weightlifting and fitness training that I got as a Xmas gift, that is giving me some ideas and tips about where to go next with this whole fitness thing. It's been recommended to me by healthy fit people that I would be very happy emulating. I'm hoping it will give me some useful information and keep me from injuring myself.
As for the magazines? Well...lets just say I'm not going to get a subscription to anything anytime soon.

crossposted from my other blog...

Sugar attack

I forgot my protein shake this morning (and my phone...sigh) so I grabbed a protein bar when I bought a coffee on my way to work. I just picked the one with the most protein in it and least sugar...which you'd think would be easy. And so I have a beef. A BIG one. All the protein bars there -They're all chocolate or caramel with nuts and extra chocolate dipped in chocolate. With more chocolate.
I don't mind a bit of dark chocolate, but this bar made my teeth ache. I know I needed the protein but after eating the bar, I feel like it was WAY too much sugar. I don't like sweets mych to begin with. Especially before my actual breakfast of cottage cheese and fruit (delicious BTW)...blech. Not what I wanted. I fail to get this - How are sugar filled bars supposed to be healthy? Is it to make you feel less guilty when you have a chocolate bar? Is it to entice you in to try something healthier...ish? I don't get the whole chocolate dipped phenomena. It's not healthy food. It's a candy bar. Meal replacements should not have to be dipped in chocolate to taste's junk wrapped up in a monkey suit paraded in front of us. It's hard enough to be healthy as it is without the world screwing with us.
OK rant over.
Needless to say I'm not having another one. :)

I did get up and do my lower body and abs and 29 minutes on the exercise bike this morning.
It felt good to work out. I even got in a few lunges and my knee still feels OK.
Now - work time :)


This morning is COLD.
How cold?
-33C. With the wind it is -43.
Yup. Official winterey chilly - even the gym had a chill to it. I stuck to machines far from the windowed walls! Brrr...the hot shower at the end was actually nice :)
I did my upper body workout this morning and 28 minutes on the exercise bike. Then my post workout protein shake and banana and in to work, with a healthy breakfast of a bunch of cottage cheese and blueberries.
Here's hoping to today rocks. Our car got stuck at J's work last night as he forgot to plug in the block heater, so I'm hoping after being plugged in all night it will start up OK today at the end of the day. It was a lame way to end the day. It's supposed to warm up by tonight to a more human temperature...I don't like it when it's this cold. It's dangerous. Makes me glad to take the bus...

Here's to warmer days!

Half done the week

This morning was really nice - it's warmed up significantly overnight. It was nice to wait for the bus and not freeze. Winters here seem to last forever, but I don't mind them so much as long as it's not stupidly cold. :)
This morning I did my lower body weights and ab work but no lunges. I'm giving my knee this week off from lunges just to be sure it's happy. Then 30 minutes on the exercise bike. It felt really good to sweat this morning. Makes you feel alive doesn't it?
I feel a lot more sane today. Part of it is a good night's sleep. Part of it is getting caught up on some chores and unpacking some of the stuff I brought back from my Dad's house. Now *my* house looks less cluttered. I also finally finished doing the tack-ties on the quilt I recovered over the holidays so it will stay in place inside the new more worrying about being poked by pins :)
I must go and get some work done. I've got healthy meals packed and I'm looking forward to my breakfast of peaches and cottage cheese. Love that....
Have a great day everyone!

Just a second

This morning I got up for working out and I feel so much better. Grounded.
I did my upper body weights workout and 30 minutes on the bike. I have healthy meals today and much to do, but it is amazing the mood boost that workouts give you.
Sorry I can't stay - too much to do today.

Today is going to be a good one...I can feel it :)

Slept in. Bad me.

I know, I know - I should have gotten up this morning, but I didn't.
I spent a long LONG weekend packing up my childhood home and drove there and back home on cold and very icy roads after...and I almost made it home and slid into a snowbank once I reached the city. Grrr. Full purple minivans do not handle the same as my car :) Unfortunately I will have to pay to fix up the bumper on the in-laws van where I hit the snow, but thankfully I wasn't going too fast and no one was just wasn't the way I'd planned to end the weekend. I was very glad when I finally got home to stay.

I spent all weekend helping Dad pack up the childhood home in Odessa. We even ate out at the local greasy spoon cafe while we worked to save time. And blech - WAY too much food, but we were busy and it did the trick. I probably ate 2 days worth of food, but I was stressed and I admit I buried my anxiety in food. Not proud of that...but I was just too emotionally drained to be "good" that day. The food was tasty, but definitely NOT healthy. Oh well. Can't win them all. But, the good thing is, in the end we got the majority of the packing of the whole damn house done. I know the little my Dad has left is stuff he can do on his own, so he'll be OK. He really needed my help. I can't imagine going through your life...a whole house worth and trying to pack it all up on your own. I was glad to be able to help, altho it was a hard weekend emotionally, and yet quite comforting at the same time. It's very strange to think that I won't be going home there anymore after this...very odd indeed. But such is life. Things go on...

This morning I was stiff and sulky and so I slept in. I really should have gotten up to work out, but I just felt a bit moogy and drained. I gave in to the mood and slept a bit more to try and sleep off some of the kinks I have from all that carrying and lifting. I feel a bit better, but I really need to be good at eating today and get back to the workouts tomorrow. My knee feels good now after being kind to it last week, and I think the kinks will be out of my back and arms by tomorrow, so time to get back at it and burn off all those diner meals. :) I will eat healthy today and tomorrow I'll be back at the workouts. I'm sure in a few days I will burn off the diner frenzy and get back to normal. For now I'll settle on getting my work done and making it home without freezing solid.
Ah. Winter in Saskatchewan...

Hope you all have a good day. :)

Friday at last

Just popping in quick.

Last night after the tupperware party (which really wasn'ta s lame as I figured) I had lots of snow to shovel so I got in some exercise after all. Of course it snowed 5 cm overnight so all my hard work is covered up again this morning, but that's OK. It's J's turn to shovel this time :)

This AM I got up again and focusedon weights. I did upper body and abs and then also did the lower body weights I do minus all the lunges and Bulgarian one legged whatsits I do to be kind to my knee, with no extra cardio at the end as I ran out of time. My knee feels a bit stiff still, so I figure this way I've got the weight training I need for now, and this weekend I'll be helping my Dad move all weekend so I'll get in lots of cardio and lifting and packing then so I'm sure I'll be just fine. :)

I feel great, and now I'm in to check a few cell cultures for my MSc and then it's off for the rest of the day to pack pack pack move move move.
Fun fun fun.....?

Have a great weekend everybody :)

Day of rest

This morning my knee was still a bit stiff and it clicked when I got up, so seeing as it is leg day I just curled up under my lovely duvet and napped instead of working out. I was getting pretty run down, and I know my knee needed a bit more love, so I figured I'd let off for the day. Tomorrow is arm day so I can hop back in. My shoulders are still a bit stiff from Tuesday's upper body muscle fest too so I know I'm working hard. Normally I'd go for a swim as that seems to work the knee kinks out but they still haven't finished repairing the pool yet. They have (of course) run into issues, so it'll be a while yet before the pool will be open. It's too bad - swimming is my default thing when my knee acts up...I'll just have to be a patient little grasshopper. :) So instead I have healthy meals all day and I'm ready for whatever is up today.

Today I've been roped into going to a Tupperware party after work (Zzzzzzzzz.....) in exchange for borrowing a minivan for the weekend to help my Dad move, so it's probably good I'll be more awake this evening! Nothing says "I just don't care about Tupperware" like nodding off in a public place :)

Music to listen to on the bus: Beck - The Information

Getting in touch with my muscley side

This morning my knee was still really stiff (??) so I just came in to work and did my upper body and back stuff. I did about 9 minutes of rowing for a bit of cardio at the end until I had no more oomph, but I just focused on form and trying a few more new things to prep for starting Rachel Cosgrove's book. I left my knee alone. Since I had more time than normal with the cardio bit gone I tried a few other alternate row/pull moves (not sure of their names) and doing all my arm work with 12 lb weights (first time! Yay!) I am also pumped because I did bench presses with a real weight bar on a bench. Me hee. Sure it was a bar with no weights on it and it was all I could do to do 2 reps of 10 but I did it. :) arms ar jiggly like jello now. They've been put thru the paces today!

Today is another busy day. I'm wearing some more of my new clothes and I feel great. Jeans that fit. A shirt that is tailored and fitted. It's amazing how a little thing like clothing that fits can make you feel great. I don't feel awkward anymore...just like me. Whatever that is :)

Have a great day :)

We should all wear polka dots

I've had this song in my head all morning. Not sure why. Parts of it are kind of catchy, but it's not a favourite or anything. Really minimal electronic. It's in a Podcast of dance music I have. I ended up listening to it to work out to try and get it out of my head. No luck :) Still there. Now you can have it in your head too...(the song only really kicks in at about 1 minutes...the time at the front is for mixing into other racks)

This AM I was up and out the door for lower body workout and I started 30 minutes of fast pedalling cardio on the bike, but after 15 minutes my knee was really stiff, so I switched over to a brisk walk on the treadmill for the other 15. My goal this year is to listen to my body. I'm hoping I won't injure myself if I take more care. Here's hoping. Then I did my ab work...and I'm in at work.
Today is my yearly physical. I'm so pumped to see how healthy I am. Get my blood work back in a few days more to make sure I'm eating properly. I love my doctor. She knows I'm a lab tech in a medical lab so she answers all my nerdy questions and is really honest and open. She'll tell me if I need to change up things and if I'm being good to myself. I can't lie - I'm also curious to know how inaccurate my home scale is. I know I'm full of breakfast now so I won't weigh quite the same as what I do at home, but I have no idea how accurate my cheapo scale is.

Music to workout to: Podcast - The Sound of Trance - Vol. 7

Its true! Hard work does pay off.

So. Tired.

I was up doing the first night of homework for the semester (oh joy). This morning was upper body work and abs and 30 minutes on the treadmill at fast walk with HIT sprints added in. My protein shake and banana and then yummy breakfast of fruit and cottage cheese. Yum. I have to stay awake for my class's a directed reading class and I'm the only one in it so my prof will notice if I'm out of it. I'm having a big cup of coffee because my prof is also my boss...yeah it's complicated and I want to impress. I am privileged to get a directed reading class from him on topics directly related to my project that he is an expert in. He retires this summer after 30 years doing clinical chemistry and quality assurance...he even survived cancer. I totally respect this guy. I'm looking forward to the class. I hope I impress...

I'm so happy that tonight I get to hang out with my husband. I miss him after 10 days off together. We've both been overworked already and both have to work saturday so we may just snuggle away the evening, but I look forward to it. My Dad flies home tomorrow, so I'll get to see him too. Unfortunately, it's back into the saturday working for the Msc project.
Ah well. I got my grades back for my last semester and with all my insanity I pulled off a 93 in biostats and 88 in my other class so I know I can do this :) Hard work pays off. It's true!

Have a great weekend everyone.

too much of a good thing?

This morning was lower body work and 30 minutes on the bike and a yummy healthy breakfast and lunch. It's so good to start off the day this way. It sort of sets the tone of the day...

Lately I've been a bit miffed at one of the doctors I work with. She is going thru a bit of a mid-life thing and is a bit insecure...and it shows. She's late 40s (and looks great I may say) and lately has gotten an eye lift and some new clothes and recently gotten divorced too, which I'm sure isn't helping things (or maybe it is, who knows?).
Over the last 4-5 months I have really seriously focused on working out with weights and eating very healthily and, if I may be so bold to say it, it shows. I look great (I think) I'm not perfect by any means, but for me, I'm happy as I am. I have recently got clothing that fits my new fit frame and take pride in how I look now. I am confident. Strong.

And this doctor, LITERALLY every single damn time I see her comments on how "oh dear you *have* to stop now. Really, you're going to get too thin and it's not healthy. Just how *do* you do all that?". In front of others. Anyone. Sometimes it is awkward for them too...
And I patiently reply (for the 2 zillionth time) that I am eating healthily and working out with weights 5 days a week and I am very healthy, thanks. At first it was a compliment. Now it feels like either jealousy or like she's resentful or something. A few people have offered the odd compliment to me, but after a while it's just her and for a few weeks it actually had me concerned. I checked with my doctor and people I trust and asked them if I was going too far. They assured me that no, I am fine as I am - it's just a very dramatic change in how I look and feel. To be fair, we do have someone in our department who came down with an eating disorder last year and we all watched him shrink to rather skeletal size before he was convinced to get some help with his diet and compulsive exercise, so at first I thought she was just concerned for me, thinking I might be on the same path he was. It was scary to watch him. We are glad he's doing better.
But really. I'm not like that. I'm just trying to be healthy. The best me I can be. Instead of wondering what I'd feel like if I did this I'm just doing it and feeling it. Seeing as this lady is technically my boss, I still smile and answer the same way when she says these comments (she did again today...sigh) but I want to understand just why she is so bothered. I am not sure how to tell her to shut up about it already without being rude. I've tried polite. I've tried informative. And truly -I now resent the comparison. I've spent most of my entire life getting negative comments on my appearance because I *wasn't* fit and now that I am I am still getting some? WTF? Seriously. Does this sh*t not ever stop?
I just want to be a great me...Uberfrau. And I am.
So there.

Shake your rumpah!

This morning was nice. We stocked up on groceries last night so I have a huge collection of healthy goodness to choose from for lunches. I also have a new chocolate protein powder shake to try out for the month. Thought I'd change it up from the vanilla. It's pretty tasty. I admit I really like the post-workout shake and a banana as an after-workout thing. Yummy.

Today I did my upper body - arms and back and abs and then 30 minutes biking fast. I feel really good. When I got in this morning there was a guy in the weight area posing and preening about and dressed like a rap star so I giggled and put on some suitable tunes -Beastie Boys, plopped myself on the nearby weight bench, grabbed some 12Lb dumbbells and proceeded to pump iron right along with him, much to his amusement. And I had a great workout :)
Now, I feel great. I've got some of my new clothes on that fit, so I feel rather sharp - some skinny fit jeans I picked up in Toronto and a new long brown cowl necked sweater with no sleeves. Quite funky. I was a bit leery about wearing skinny jeans to work as they're not really professional, but leggings (which are what this sweater are made to go with) definitely aren't - you get a weird waistband showing through if you wear normal belted jeans or pants with it. It's silly and girly I know but I just really wanted to wear the sweater. I normally wear slobby clothes and jeans, so this is kinda the same. Ish. I don't look like a slob or a tart, so I think they're happy - I actually look like I'm going out with friends for a beer. No one's given me the "you can't wear that here" look so I figure I'm OK. I know I'm looking way better than normal, so I don't think people will mind. I'm just happy I can *wear* skinny jeans and clothes that fit, so I don't mind them with a long sweater that covers my butt...
Thankfully working in a lab has it's perks. a lot of us lab rats have difficulty with basic personal hygiene and matching clothing so I'm definitely doing OK! :)

Today will be another day of fitting into the groove of the semester. It's so different, yet again. Figuring out my new schedule and trying it out will take a week or so I think. Thankfully workouts are in the early AM so they fit right in...

Have a great day everybody. I'm off to rock the lab.
Music to pump iron and giggle to: Beastie Boys - Paul's Boutique and Beck - Guerolito

2011 challenge

Over at Fat Girl Wearing Thin, she has a challenge for this coming year.
To love yourself -"The Hate-Loss Challenge".
Here's the low-down from her site:

"Rules: There is only one rule: At least once a day you must attempt to use one or more of these words in your vocabulary about yourself – and mean it: strong, courageous, beautiful/handsome, better, unique, remarkable, confident, conditioned, fascinating, pleasing. I encourage you to say the words out loud. Listen to how they sound as they are defining you!
Extra credit: mind-blowing, wicked-hot, awe-inspiring, sexy, sensational.

Off Limits: Words you can not use: failure, undeserving, incompetent, lazy, no-good, fat, unattractive, sloppy, defeated, unworthy.

It’s OK to be angry. It’s OK to have off-days; just don’t let those feelings consume you. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and never, ever let your weight define you."

I believe in this. I found for me the clincher in making a positive real and permanent change was to love myself. To encourage myself. To take the hate and transmute it into confidence. Strength.
I completely believe that this is the key to becoming who you are meant to be. And the beauty of it is it naturally feeds out of you to others. It spreads! I'm pumped that this challenge is out there. As Homestar would say: I'm all up ins :)

Yup. It's official.
It's going to be a great year :)

Everything is New Again

Hello :)
Sorry I've been rather hermity over the holidays. I logged my odd workout, but I spent most of my time relaxing and hanging with my family. I thoroughly enjoyed my free time this holiday season. Most days I was good food wise, and the odd day I indulged in some yummy ginger cookies, the odd pretzel and some spiced ale or a banana daiquiri (my new favourite drink at the moment). And, all is well. Over the holidays I have only gained a pound. Considering I could not work out regularly, I'm pretty pleased with how it all went, as I wasn't terribly careful about food. I'm grateful, as stepping on the scale this AM to get a starting point for the week has finally silenced the little voice in the back of my head that kept trying to tell me I was doomed to regain 5-8 pounds and that I'd be all instantly wibbly and pudgy after the holidays. I didn't realise how much the thought of that bothered me until I came face to face with it. Genuine fear and was strange. I didn't like it. The best thing is that now I can tell that little b*tch in my head to go haunt someone else because I know I can keep it together :)

I got a juicer for christmas...I'm in love. I've wanted one forever. Apple carrot juice is a favourite of mine and now I can make it whenever I like :) I'm going to experiment and see what fruit&veg combos I can come up with as preworkout drinks. I'm curious to try some beets and melon. Seeing as I can't eat before I workout, I'm going to try to juice myself up instead.

I'm a bit sad to be back to work again, but I'm glad to be back into a bit of a routine. I like my keeps me accountable and on track. Regular workouts keep me happy. This morning it was nice to be back in the gym. I was a little panicked it would be full and crowded with new years resolutioners, but perhaps they aren't all back on campus yet. It was nice and quiet. I could do my legwork, and some fast walking with HIT sprints on the treadmill (maybe I can get my odd run fix after all? I hope I hope I seems to be OK so far). Back at it again. Feels good.I'm hoping to start the Rachel Cosgrove program in a week or so once I've had time to read through it. I'm curious to see what changes will come...

At the new years party in my fantastic new outfit I felt sexy. I felt strong and confident. I actually had to politely brush off a few guys...because I have a wonderful man to share my life with. We got to see old friends and dance the night away in a big old lodge in the woods. To toast in the new year with champagne and hugs from friends -feel adored by my doesn't get any better than that. He loves me. Always has. Always will. No matter what.

I can't wait to see what this year will bring!