Ugh. It has been a few mopey days of acheyness. All over aches and tiredness like the flu. Only longer. Even my throat and teeth feel like they're twitching...yes. good times. And yet, no not really horrible...just really not ending yet dagnabbit. Like I ran an Iron Man marathon...with my whole body...and didn't stretch out after. 
Yeah. Like that.
It's supposed to fade in the next day or so. Thank frog for that...3 days is enough thanks.
I'm gonna go take a walk cuz it's good for me.
Later taters.

On the upside, this toon made me laugh...we joked about this the other day :)


Waiting for the other shoe to drop

Friday morning was my first of my new chemo treatment - taxotere and herceptin. It's the hard core kick-your-tumours-ass kinda drug. I've been all nervous about it but in all far not too bad. I had none of the severe adverse reactions you can get during the actual treatment (good good) and after, other than being quite tired and mentally groggy I honestly felt better than with my previous FEC chemo cocktail. Thing is tho, this one is supposed to get me all tired and achey and odd in the next few days for a few days as my immune system is beaten down so I feel like I'm just waiting for dooooooooooooooooom. Who knows? Maybe I'll get lucky again with not too bad of symptoms. Right now I am a bit achey but nothing terrible, and there's no nausea with this treatment so I can eat food like a normal person (there's only so much soup you can handle) so I'm sure it's going a long way to making me feel stronger.

Just had to write this out to calm my groggy nerves. The not knowing how I'll respond part is the part I am trying to be calm about right now. My lovely J was home with me since chemo but he is back at work today and I am suddenly alone with my thoughts and cats and groggy brain doing my best to rest my tired tired brain. Just groggy really...too groggy to read, but alert enough to think. It's odd. Perhaps I'll knit. I'm almost done knitting myself a hat (only took a month. heh.) and perhaps it may even fit (I have a bad track record of making hats too bug for myself. I hope it fits. It's lovely). I think it will fit better once I have hair. I've decided I'm wearing it anyway even if it fits like a smurf hat.

Hmmm...All a bit rambly here I think. Lots of waiting. Waiting to hear back about my long term sick benefits. Waiting to get a few things finished up at work for while I am gone long term. Waiting for my new symptoms. Waiting to see how my treatment will go...
Ah -I should take my tired brain for a little nap I think. Nothing more to be done today but rest :)

Pillow time...

High School Flashback

He protect my nails from chipping and possibly (eek) falling off from exposure to UV rays mixed with chemo poisons I have been told to use nail hardener and paint them purple or black. I'm not very girly so I'm kinda sucky at this nail painting thing but after a few failed attempts I've managed to find a nice purpley black polish and have painted my nails.
Going from hardly polishing my nails ever to super dark is a bit distracting. I find myself looking at my hands a lot.
And, strangely enough, I feel like a leftover teenage goth :) ...or would I be emo now?
Yup...OK I just confirmed by saying that out loud I'm kinda too old to be either...!
Think I need to dig out some black clothes and eyeliner and lipstick...with the bald head I could really pull this off for a while...hee hee. Problem is I smile too much...hmmm...maybe if I dug out some Depeche Mode or Radiohead?


Stranger things have happened...

One of my side effects from chemo is a not so gentle punt into early menopause. It may or may not be permanent. The last week I have begun to experience all the wonders of crazy brain, sugar cravings and hot flashes. Usually at night...but sometimes during the day...cuz random radiating body temperature and random mood swings are fun on a bun!

It's bizarre. I don't like sweets as a general rule. I'm already scatterbrained. I've tried to chat with my body kindly to remind it that it's normal for me to be cold all the time, but it doesn't seem very interested in maintaining the status quo. I've been going from "man, I'm chilly, I need a hat and sweater" to "I wonder how many clothes I can take off and not be arrested?" a LOT lately. It happened while out with a friend earlier in the week and it's annoying. Thankfully my bald head makes for sympathy from most folks out in the shiny world. A kind sales lady in the Gap store made my day with her kindness to me when I was dizzy and needed to sit for a few minutes. It makes people dither over you and try to help, which I admit I'm not very good at letting people do...I'm learning.

Most of all, it makes me wonder how it is for regular ladies who have menopause. They don't have the ability to whip off their hats and in an instant let the world know that something is up with them and their bald head. They just get to deal with it and try not to complain to much....

Ladies of menopause - I salute you. Go forth and be hot and cold as you need to and eat that candy and forget your keys as much as you must to get through the day!
I'll be here in the wings supporting you.
Now where'd my hat go....?


Monday monday dah daaaaaah dah daaaa daaaa dah

Today I am packing up the christmas decorations. Sniff. I will miss the twinkly lights, but I think I've dragged them out as long as I can :)

The meds they give me at chemo have finally run their course so I had a full night's sleep last night. I cannot tell you how utterly amazing it feels. I woke up happy and full of energy. I even did a little workout while I had some zip in me and still feel fabulous. I hopped on my bike for 25 minutes and then did 2 sets of 20 bicep curls, 20 tricep extensions, 20 bicycle crunches and 10 pushups with my exercise band. The pushups were so hard, even on my's amazing how your strength goes. I remember busting out 20 pushups on my toes before my first chemo just to prove I will be a long while before that happens :). It is nice to move though. It feels good....and if I can do this here and there I can keep from losing any more strength. That really is my concern...things I used to move without blinking are now so heavy I should not carry them - a bit disconcerting to say the least. Plus, exercise is supposed to fight off the chemo tiredeness so I do it whenever I can. Not often enough, but it'll do pig. It'll do. :)

The deep freeze that's been over the country has broken and I'm starting to feel more normal again (other than the tiredness) so over the weekend I got out for a walk to the library and out to see Catching Fire with J which was nice.  My mood and health are back to more of a neutral ground. It's nice. Today I have some medical benefit forms to fill out and some decorations to pack up. Tomorrow I plan to start sewing a baby gift for my nephew who's wife is due to pop any minute now so my Dad can bring it out to them when he flies out to visit them in a few weeks. Having things to do will keep the cabin fever at bay since I'm not supposed to go back to work until after chemo.

For now, it's time for a cup of decaf and hunting down my lunch.
I hope that you all are having a wonderful day and that your weekend was a relaxing one.
Later taters!

Let the happy dance commence y'all

Yesterday I had an ultrasound scan done just to check and see if there was a visual response so far to my chemo...and hot damn and hallelujah there was! The 2 lumps in my breast have shrunk! In fact they had trouble visualizing them at all!!


Makes all this poison worth it. I'm getting better y'all!

*grin from ear to ear*

It's official - I'm a mature adult

A few months ago, before I got sick, J and I decided to finally go and take some of our savings and actually pick out our own couch after living in our house for 12 years.  Yes...instead of hand me downs or second hands from family we went to Palliser EQ and picked out a couch (and 2 chairs ahem) and ordered them in the style and colour we wanted...and then waited...and waited...
.....and today they were finally delivered :)
I have always ALWAYS wanted a dark red leather couch and now I am happy to say that I have one...and it is loverly. Having some nice swivel recliners to replace out 34 year old swivel rocker chairs is pretty awesome too. We loved the old chairs despite them being rediculously beat up but when buying the couch realized we could actually get new grey leather swivel rockers for waaaaaaay less than recovering the old favourites (and get them reclining too - shawingggggg!) so we decided to go all in. They're a bit bigger than the old ones but comfy.

Now with this new floor business and new furniture well...dang. It's so grown up in here. Instant college upgrade to styleytown. Like a whole new adult house.

I like it...but I admit it's gonna take me a few days to sit on the sofa without worrying over it.  :)

#4 complete

Had my last FEC chemo on friday. The next 4 are something new to come. It went well and my cold is fading so I think all will be OK. I am relaxing and staying inside. It is one heckuva cold snap: -40 C with the windchill. I'll stay inside thanks :)
The wall my dad built up for us and wired up and helped us mount our electric fireplace on is done (I mudded and painted in spurts) and the fireplace is up and it's amazing! Black glass frame and lotsa LEDs behind. Something so very cool to stare at and keep us warm in our chill basement while we hermit it up and watch movies. Ees cool yes?
Merry christmas to us! Hee hee.

Stay warm my good peeps!