Tiny Tits McGee

My appointment with my surgeon was good. It was over an hour late, and I was ranting about it in my head until I learned why when he arrived. He had been doing plastic surgery on 2 people from LaLoche, where the tragic shootings had happened here a few days ago. He was going above and beyond to help people. He's a good guy. It was a big reminder to me that yes doctors make you wait but yes they are helping people and it might be me next time, so I should be happy and grateful that I get this kind of service and it costs me nothing.
I am happy to say I have the go ahead to exercise again and build up a bit in my upper body. I have to work slow to build up my upper body, but I can run, use the elliptical and other sweaty things, including my core. Just wear a good sports bra and stop if something hurts - makes sense to me. I am also now officially in line for my swap out surgery too, which will likely fall sometime in late April. I am hoping it doesn't fall over the comic expo, since I have plans to head out there with my friends Heather and Lisa and visit my sister, but even if I have surgery right after or before, it's a day thing so I think I can still go and wander a bit. We plan to stay with my sister so I could just stay back home and visit her if I needed to take it easy. We'll see.

I do find it odd though that of all the things covered by my Canadian health insurance through all of this 1 thing is not - fat grafting. They will build me a new breast, add an implant, adjust and lift the other side to match and even build me a nipple if I want but if there are weird dents or lumps in your breast that can be easily fixed by a simple fat grafting procedure you have to pay for that part out of pocket. I have a bit of a dent in my new breast where the thick healthy back skin meets up with the thin irradiated chest skin and fat grafting would make it look perfect, but I will just have to wait and see. Right now it bugs me a bit, but I don't know if it bugs me enough to shell out $1500 to fix it. I suppose I should be grateful that all the rest of this is covered without a problem, but I find it bizarre that fat grafting is not part of reconstruction. "Sure ma'am you can have a new breast - but it probably won't look right - hope that's OK". Sigh. They used to not even cover reconstruction or matching up the other side. Yes it's not like I *need* my breast to get by but why not make it look as good as you can? It already looks so good compared to nothing but a scar so I'm counting my blessings.

My doc says we should just see how things look after the swap out and take it from there. Sometimes people do revisions to get scars right or have nipples added after as a 3rd surgery. That would be when the fat grafting would be done. thing is, I don't really want a nipple - I wish I could do a trade off and ask for fat grafting instead. Too bad it doesn't work that way! I am amused that they have to order in a special smaller implant for the left side they are lifting and adding a bit to to make it match better because they don't stock them regularly. Yep that's me...Tiny Tits McGee.

NINE! Nine weeks! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Finally! The last piece of healing is completed on my surgical incisions. I don't know what they put in that surgical glue but good grief!! I've been waiting patiently for it all to fall off and be fully healed and exposed for NINE FREAKING WEEKS! I was trimming back the scabs (tmi? sorry...) as they loosened so they wouldn't pull off or snag on clothes and my scars would heal up as well as possible and when I was trimming back the last tiny piece that was about the size of a short grain of rice it just came off all together. At last!!! Finally healed!

Now I can go swimming! I can have a bath in my new bathtub again!!! I bought all these bath salts and bath bombs before christmas as a treat to myself and I've been dying to use them...J has been having baths all the time and I've just been hanging out with him and dreaming about when I can get back into the tub. Truth be told I also feel a bit freer walking about in my knickers in the house too... I don't like PJs but I dislike even more having unhealed things on me and generally keep them covered...this is very freeing. I want to get to know my new body and get to be at home with it. :)

I see my surgeon on thursday for the "am I ready for the swap out surgery" checkup and I can't wait. Hopefully that can get booked in in March and I can be done the last of all this soon. I'm not in pain anymore but the expanders are not flexible at all - they're hard and so some things I do I can feel them...and sleeping on my side with my arm wrong ends up with me having a sore side-boob in the morning if I don't prop my arm up with a pillow. Plus there's a bit of a crease on Frankie where the expander sits under the new skin patch and I'm hoping with an implant it'll be smoother. Maybe they can do a bit of fat grafting to make it more uniform...who knows? These are all things I'll have to wait and see about as I heal. Yes the "boob job" portion of the program will mean more healing again, but I just wanna be done. And honestly, after the lat flap...anything would be a piece of cake.
Mostly, for now, I want my doc's go ahead to exercise vigorously again...I wasn't supposed to get all sweaty while I was still "healing" Hopefully now I can get a serious sweat on...even if I can't do much upper body work for a while yet I can definitely get sweaty soon, I hope. My pants are getting to be a bit snug and that's usually when I have to step up and reign myself in and I'd rather exercise more than eat less...winter is always tough for that kinda thing.

This morning I walked to work again. It was a bit cooler (about -15 with the wind) but I bundled up and took a mug of coffee and was just fine. Listened to some old Police and watched the moon over the river. Good way to start the day. I hope this warm spell stays for a while.

I must be off. Science is calling.
Later taters.

Too many. Just too many.

I just learned that my friend's mum who was diagnosed with breast cancer last year had a relapse and she died his morning. Rosanne Parry was one of the kindest brightest souls I have ever met...
Fuck you cancer.
Don't come around here again.

A respite from the cold

It's warming up a bit for a while. I was good all week with my morning biking but this AM I didn't for a good reason. This morning it was only -7 and although there was some wind (~20 kph) I dug out my long down coat and good boots and walked to work. It was FABULOUS. I sipped my coffee and strolled to the sounds of an old Coldplay album. Such a great way to start the day. And my hat head when I got here was spectacular! :)

It's gonna be a fun weekend. Tonight I'm excited to go and see a few shows (they all come at once it seems). My old high school friend Tabitha is in town from up north with her bluegrass band and they're playing a show at a coffee shop at about 8 tonight so I'm looking forward to seeing that and then a bit of a visit after. I never get to see her enough. Then a friend of mine is in town playing breaks at another club at midnight so I'll likely head over there as well for a bit of a dance and a visit...I can finally dance again and I could do with some good butt-wiggling. Saturday they are doing a Bowie tribute at the local arts theatre playing Labyrinth and Space Oddity and I hope to get to at least one of those...then at night it's a friend's birthday after so I'm sure some shenanigans will ensue. Sunday I'm taking Heather out on a girls day so she can have a bit of kiddie free time...don't know what we'll do but it will be nice to see her and catch up. I'll probably need a day off after all this to hibernate and reboot but it'll be worth it. It's nice to have stuff to do... :) January is always a broke month and to have fun stuff to do that is low cost makes the time go by faster.
BUT I should get off to the lab. I've been stuck decomissioning 2 old labs and it's a lot of work on top of my regular duties. I've been tossing SO much stuff...so satisfying...but I'm glad to be almost done. Whenever I do this it makes me want to go home and purge my house too, which I suppose is a good thing.
Have a fabulous weekend all you fine peoples!!

twice as nice

30 minutes on the bike again with my upper body physio exercises. I was really light headed after the biking so I didn't do more. Just made some protein steel cut oats and blueberries and a decaf and made it to the bus on time. Today I will be healthy and strong.

Your tauntaun won't make it past the first marker

we're not were grrr....

This weekend was a good one. It was Hoth level cold (-33 C and -42 with the wind) but I managed to get the errands done I needed to for work and still make tasty sweet potato lentil soup for lunches and do some relaxing around the house. I finally picked up a few eneagram books from the library and am going to start reading to learn more and improve myself I hope. 2016 is the year of the eneagram...and the ukelele...and the crafting. I will not waste this winter in front of the TV. I will expand my mind and create things. This includes making more wine too. Cuz, you know, wine.

This morning I was up and rode my bike for 30 minutes and then did the following with no weights: 30 squats, 30 lunges on each leg and 30 good mornings. Then I had a healthy breakfast - steel cut oats with protein powder and blueberries. Tomorrow will be 2 months post surgery. I have no plans to diet while I am healing but I *do* plan to get back to pre-surgery pre-holiday eating again. Only having boozxe on the weekends, healthy breakfasts and other meals and minimal evening snacking. This week will likely be a slightly grumpy one as my body readjusts to less sugar and carbs but I already feel so much better this morning so it's reminded me why I usually make a point to take care of myself. I am hopeful to get the go-ahead to use the elliptical at my doctor's appointment on the 28th. My physio exercises feel better every day - I have more range of motion and less stiffness daily. I don't want to do too much too soon so I may book a physio appointment soon and see if they recommend a personal trainer fro me. Since my job has wellness budget for this kinda thing I plan to take full advantage of it.

Anyways - hope you're all doing well in this frigid January day. I just wanted to log today and get back to work. So much to do!
Later taters.

Memories of Future Past

Yesterday I learned that David Bowie died of cancer. He was a huge influence on me...I think Low is still my favourite album. I discovered it and Ziggy Stardust after my initial love of his Let's Dance album when I was a teen. He did his own thing fearlessly and I admired him more for that than his music really...he was the Goblin King. I will miss him. It's like my childhood years are fading...the end of a generation almost. Strange.

Today I learned that Alan Rickman also died of cancer. Professer Snape is gone too.


F*cking cancer.

Makes me grateful to be alive.

Hello old friend

I did it. I actually got up this morning. I rode my exercise bike for 20 minutes and then did 3 sets of 10 lunges on each side and 20 squats. Then it was steel cut oatmeal and off to work. It feels good.

Ha! Maybe I can do this after all. It helps that I am finally getting back into a regular sleep schedule. J had classes all weekend so I was up with him having breakfast and I actually went to bed on time too, so I could get up at 6:15. I'll try it again tomorrow.  Slow and steady wins the race...

My back is completely healed and my front incisions are about 2/3 healed. I wish they'd hurry up! Whatever glue they use on the incisions is better than any crazy glue I've ever seen! Thankfully the front scars are super tiny compared to the back. The back, what with moving and stretching has much wider scars...but I don't mind. Battle scars and all that...plus I don't really see them unless I spin around to look so who cares :) I just want to finish healing so I can have a bath :)

Yesterday was a CRAZY work day. Today WILL be better.

Finally friday

Last night I once again slept really poorly. J too. So instead of biking I took the sleep I could get. I am in a better mood though. Yesterday my day improved as it went on and I got lots of J love and kitty love when I got home so in the end the day turned out OK. I need to do more physio, but I can do that and my lunges and squats when I get home from work so I'm not too concerned. Cuz it's friday. Thank frog.

I am looking forward to tonight. We were given Avatar in 3D for christmas so we're gonna fire up the old 3D glasses and watch a snuggle movie tonight. It's getting to be stupid cold now and the high is -20 C (-4 F) for the next week or so, so it's going to be crafting and movies for the next while. We have good food and a warm cozy house so it's all good. I am glad for the weekend - my friend is having her ARCT piano recital "practice" on sunday where she will play all her performance pieces for her exam at the end of the month and I hope to meet a few friends for coffee. Plus they're demolitioning an old bridge in town so I plan to make some coffee and bundle up and go watch the explosions :)

Have a good weekend!

*mumble mumble*

So tired. Slept in. Again. Did my physio this morning, but not much else. My legs are stiff from yesterday. Rediculous...but to be expected. Tomorrow I will try again to add the bike and do some legwork again. It's amazing how quickly this stuff fades...

I did make the best breakfast ever tho - protein powder with some Tazo chai tea mix, eggnog and ice. Oh my. Delicious. And I made some eggnog rice pudding last night and it was, indeed, heaven in a bowl. AMAZING.

My sleep schedule is whacked. I need to get back to being in bed by 10 and up by 6 and it's gonna take a while. Ugh. I am just tired and cranky and sore, so I'm having to watch I don't snap at people...mostly J. J is preparing for taking an entrepreneur's business course the next 3 weekends and hope there will be some good stuff in it for him. It's only $200 but there may be a lot of things that aren't relevant for him in with some useful stuff and he's not good at dealing with office business bullshit. He's already complaining about it and it hasn't even started yet, so please offer up alms to the gods of patience for me so that I don't snap and lose my shit on him while I'm tired cranky and stiff. And grumpy.
More eggnog please.
*mumble mumble*

Physio day 1

This morning I did a set of upper body physio exercises and 30 each of lunges and squats. I'm supposed to start with doing the physio 3 times a day and working up from there. I'm building up gradually. I'm stiff, but I can do the moves without pain so things are alright. It's a start.

Tomorrow I will hop on the bike for a few minutes as well for some cardio, since winter makes walking a difficult cold thing that I don't do much and am back to taking the bus (boo). I slept in a bit too much today and so I didn't have time for that :) I did make myself some steel cut oats for breakfast though and it was a nice thing. I think I'll start cooking up a bit pot of oatmeal every monday and then reheating it all week for breakfasts...I like my morning smoothies but there's something about oatmeal in the winter mornings that is all warm and cozy.

Winter is here. Let the mugs of tea begin :)


It was a lovely holidays. I don't want to go back to life.
Being off for surgery recovery before holidays gave me a long stretch off and it was lovely. Even tho a good chunk of it was a bit of a blissful painkiller-induced haze, being home with no stress was a lovely thing. I could honestly refuse any and all duties if I wished with no guilt. Having gotten uberfit before surgery gave me some wiggle room for christmas goodies as well, and the week of christmas I thoroughly enjoyed any and all snacks and cookies and apricot beer and mulled wine and...well you get the idea. I got it out of my system for a while and am now ready to get back to a bit more balance. Visiting my sister and family was lovely and low stress and I wish I could be with them more. J's family was nice, but it was a bit awkward since his brother and his wife are newly separated and I was quite close to his wife...so her absence was very noticed and she was missed...it was a bit weird, but still a nice day together. We even had a few days for just J and myself to relax and recharge and it was muchly needed.

As of tomorrow I am cleared to do lower body exercises and physio so I can hop on my bike and do some squats and lunges and start some physio stretches on my arms and back to start getting mobility back. I really need some activity in my life for balance both physically and emotionally. Now that it doesn't hurt to move my arm about I've found that other than a few extreme stretches, I can do most regular things and it's really nice to not get pinged with pain randomly anymore. I've noticed the lack of muscle in my arm only once so far, since I'm still not supposed to do any pushing or heavy lifting for a few weeks - I finally went back to driving the other day (we have a standard so I had to be sure I could use my arm without pain before I drove) - putting our car into reverse requires pushing the shifter in and up to the left and that pushing movement is actually a concentrated movement now...it's odd, but expected. It will take time to get the other muscles to compensate. I just had the last fill on my expander - apparently ~150 mL is the matching volume to bring Frankie to the same size as my remaining breast so now I just have to wait a few months before I swap it out for my implant and they do a lift on my natural breast for balance. I can't wait. The expander looks a bit "off" for lack of a better way to describe it - since it's hard and not naturally soft like implants, it doesn't quite feel or look right. Yet. I hope in the end it will all come out fine...or a reasonably facsimile of fine. I have an appointment at the end of the month wiht my plastic surgeon and he'll give me the final go ahead then if all seems balanced. It looks good now - I can wear a sports bra and look entirely normal, even in a tank top now. In a week or so I hope the incisions will be healed completely and I can wear a regular bra. So hooray. :)

We had people over for a party for the first time in eons on saturday night and it was a great time. The house was full of old friends and a few new ones. We had snacks and wine and mulled wine and mix. Friends brought their decks and drinks and games and some mixed music all night...some ended up building cozy forts in the basement and giggling and dancing and laughing until the sun came up...and oh it was so nice to be a human again. :) I am still very tired (feeling my age indeed...) but it was a great reminder of all of the really lovely people around in my life and a bit of a celebration for me that the worst is over. I really wanted to have a "hooray I'm back!" party without all the heaviness that declaring it to be that sort of thing...so when we noticed that the Perihelion for where we live on the planet was on the 2nd it seemed like a good reason to have a gathering. It was a good way to start the year.
I haven't made resolutions for the year really, other than to be more present. I'll talk more about that later, but in my counselling I've been doing some work with the enneagram personality system and learning a lot about myself. I'm trying to see how I interact with J and others and how to get in better touch with myself and what I need to be happy in this "new" me.
Cuz it's It's a new year.
Further up and further in...