I'm done my paper.
Do do dooo!

Last night I was able to get home at a decent hour and clean up the house a bit, make real healthy supper and muffins and relax a bit befor etucking in to finish my paper. It took me nearly until 1AM but it is done and done well. I have had a good breakfast and I am ready to face the day. PMS crazies have left. I weigh 0.5 Lb less than I did last week. No workout, but I will do what I can when I can today to fit in isotonic and resistance muscle exercises. Every little bit helps.
My supervisor is giving it the once over and then tomorrow I send it off and can relax for the weekend. I have decided that I have earned a 2 day weekend.
I can't wait...
What a load off my mind :)

all work and no play makes Geo something something...

Ladies and germs-I am tired.
Last night I didn't get home from meetings until after 8 and by the time I ate and settled in to (hooray) work on my project summary report that is due in a few days it was around 9...and didn't get to bed until nearly 11 when I gave in and stopped as I'd developed a killer headache and couldn't do anything else useful. J ordered me to sleep. I woke up mid sleep with a killer headache still lingering and gave in and had a few advils and a huge glass of water and went back to sleep...my headache has lingered on in baby form this morning, but is fading finally, I think. I slept in and although I had a good breakfast and packed a healthy lunch there was no workout. Again.
I'm not liking this. Working and doing your master's at the same time is a lot of work - don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I'm still figuring out scheduling and what to do when. I took too much time for relaxing earlier in the month when I should have been diligent and done more here and there...and now that my paper is due a week before I thought (they really should tell you you have to submit it 1 week before the day you have to present it at your progress meeting...it came as a surprise to me and I'm a week behind...) I'm running around getting it not just in, but *good*. I will not submit crap. I know what I'm capable of. You can't cobble together scientific data with chewing gum and string - I'm designing improved quality diagnosis methods for breast cancer treatment...this is, as they say, the shit. I love it. I refuse to do anything less than my best.
It's coming down, at crunch times like this, to a choice of either sleep or workout and sometimes I need the sleep to be awake enough to do what I need to do. And one of the things I want to do is exercise. I feel like I'm becoming lardorific. It's just PMS talking, but it's talking loudly...in that grating voice that mother in laws had in old 50's TV shows...
I'm feeling wibbly and need more fitness...although this morning I couldn't have worked out even if I wanted to...it was all I could do to stumble down to have an aspirin and sleep for an hour.
I'm not giving up and still am trying to exercise...trying to be positive and do little things here and there when they present themselves. I am looking forward to it warming up a bit more-then I can walk or bike to work. That fits in exercise into my day without even thinking and will go a LONG way to adding to my fitness. Morning walks are lovely. It'll come.

We shall keep at it...whatever it is :)

First thing is to get this damn paper done...then I can have 2 whole days off for the easter bunny resurrection egg day.
bunny photo

Junk is bad....mmmmmk?

Yet another study out showing how foods bad for us actually cause addictive behaviours. Chemicals released in the brain from consistent over eaters that are the same as those of an addict to heroin. I am annoyed that this has to be scientifically proven, but maybe now that it has in multiple studies it will be taken a bit more seriously. Yes it is harder for some to stop...even when we know it's bad.
Eating some foods can release dopamine in our brain...happy endorphins. The more we get the happier we are. People with addictive personalities can have less dopamine receptors...requiring more "fix" for the same bang. When this applies to food...well, you can guess. Yes it's obvious that unlimited access to unhealthy foods can trigger repeated over-consumption and obesity but it's not just plain eating too much. There can be more to it.
This can be applied to both drug and food addictions to help people deal with their problems...

My beef is that of course not a lot of time is spent on looking at how to help people not eat those things...that's when we just call people weak and fat and lazy.
We need more work effort spent on teaching people how to eat well and fight their cravings for food. Addicts do it. We've done it.

As our food has become much more processed and manufactured and we add chemicals, sugar, salt and fat to make food taste better we are rewiring our brains. We are creating a situation where we are more likely to overeat the very foods that are the worst for us.

It's a fact.

We need to take control of our diet and the quality of the food we eat and help each other. Yes, sometimes food is just food....but I know with some people (like me) it *can* be a whole lot more...being healthy isn't always so simple. I'll let you lean on me if I can lean on you :)

p.s. SCIENCE!!!

busy weekend again

This weekend was BUSY. So much so that I should use a bigger font. :)
It was a lot of fun though.

The annual Hindu society vegetarian banquet was a lot of fun. Rani dressed us up in beautiful saris again and the curries were delish. The one I wore this year was red and brown with gold and it looked very nice on me...once I get around to dumping photos off the camera I'll have to post a few. Completely as a surprise (bwaha) I won the 50-50 draw at the banquet! $Squee$! My friend Mitch screamed out when I won and scared me actually - I thought she won...I usually don't win anything and I buy a ticket because the money raised that year goes to a charity (This year it was the Broken Wing Society - a house for disabled children in Haiti)...so that was definitely a cool thing. I used a bit of my new-found cash to bid on a silent auction item (a pair of amazing white tortoiseshell sunglasses that I really really wanted, but couldn't justify $90 for...until that point) and the rest (mee hee) will go towards our now, for sure happening, fall trip to England for our anniversary. Squee.
Sunday was a baby shower - and lots of nibbles and visiting...and the rest of the time involved multigrain pancakes and lots of work on my MSc report and MSc project. This morning I had been up past midnight working on my paper and so I tapped snooze one too many times. I had the oddest dream about me and a talent show and a chicken (yup...it really was that weird)...and didn't workout, but I am awake and have a LONG day ahead of me, so I'm thinking it was the right choice. I won't even get home tonight from work until late and then I have a lot of work to do after that before I can sleep...so it's good to not be tired today.
You know, I remember working two jobs while being in school...how did I do it?
This is exhausting :)

Grand schemes for the weekend

Last night was a twinge party for my knee. The weather has been suddenly cold, and I don't know what the deal is, but it's not painful...just odd weird twinges all evening. So I took it easy this morning-no workout. My knee feels better in the AM and is not doing what it was, so I will work out after work when I get home. Seems like a plan. I think I'm just going to listen to my body and as I gain strength in the leg muscles this will become less and less...it already feels stronger. That's a very good thing.I'm hoping due diligence is the key to rebuilding strength in my knee and my core. I'm not giving up, that's all I know...
I'm psyching myself up for a weekend of MSc work as I have to get my first progress report together for monday for my supervisor to look over before I send it to my committee. I have to try and coherently show what I've gotten done so far and explain my plans for the next 6 months...heh heh. Actually it's not too bad, when I put it down on paper. It's making it coherent that is always a bit of a challenge for me. I tend to say too much and make things convoluted...so I have learned to start early and edit edit edit...then edit a lot more. And I made a flowchart, which I think will work well to track what I've done and need to do. (It's got pretty colours...) It is inspired by, and almost as good as this one from Toothpaste for Dinner:

I am excited as this weekend is the annual local Indian Cultural Society vegetarian banquet to raise money for their hindi classes and much needed temple renovations. It's become a bit of a tradition that one of the ladies I work for invites us over and gets us all dressed up in proper Sari's and we have a fun evening out together dressed in fine silk, bangles and bindis. And sunday is a baby shower for our once very pregnant Postdoc-I'm looking forward to seeing her little baby, Arman.
Mix in a bunch of work in the free time around all that and it will be a full weekend...but a good one. If I can I'll fit in some workouts, or at least nice long walks...my main focus will be my MSc project though.
Whew...I will try and keep the stressed out snacking to a minimum. I have a feeling I'll be drinking my weight in tea :)
Hope you all have grand schemes for the weekend!

PMA Day 4: forgot about my new toy!

Long day yesterday...dealing with some very frustrating people, but on the whole things went well. I got home tired, so I just went to bed early...

I got up this morning and did 32 minutes on the elliptical. I was very careful about form and rotation of my knee and my new shoes really helped keep my leg in better alignment. My legs seem OK after wit some stretching. I also did a bunch of crunches.
And I forgot to use my heart rate monitor! I can't believe it...I thought about it when I was half done...there is one on the handles of our elliptical but it's not very accurate - besides...I have a new toy! Can't believe I didn't try it! Next time for sure :)

My cat tried to eat my oatmeal this morning...I ran upstairs to grab my iPod and came down to see a little head in my bowl starting to lick at it...grr. I didn't have time to make more so I admit I just spooned out the little edge where he'd licked at it, half-heartedly punished him with the water sprayer and then ate the rest. I don't think that's gross...maybe I'm wrong. Do you?? Should I be punished for having kitty germs...? I don't want my cat up eating food from bowls...but it's oatmeal with brown sugar and cream as we ran out of milk...hard to resist for me too...

Note to self...it's not rude to plan ahead...

After a very frustrating morning of being rushed I did not have time to work out or eat breakfast...or much of anything other than to sit and wait. I need to remember that my husband takes longer than me in the mornings (twice as long as me *ahem*)...the odd morning we have to get ready at the same time is always a gong show. I'm quite the routine girl and need to just get up earlier and make sure I have time to do what I need or I get all flustered and screwed up...if I had worked out I'd be all sweaty and gross as there was no time for me to get a proper shower...I didn't want to be up and ready for work an hour early and was out late visiting a friend last night so I thought I'd sleep in a bit and have a quick shower - that didn't work. I should have gotten up early before J...I know he's a slow morning person. I never learn... I suppose it's a blessing I didn't get up and get all sweaty and smelly working out seeing as I have 2 important meetings today. Nothing says professional like stale sweat :)


I grabbed yogurt and berries and a coffee at Tim Hortons on my way to the bus, and I hope it tides me over until lunch...I have a lunch meeting but it should be healthy at least. Man...what an annoying way to start a day.

At least I have a pleasant muscle burn in my shoulders butt and thighs...lets me know I did something. Perhaps tonight when I get home I will work out on the eliptical...yes...that will do the trick...I was going to go out for a walk, but it snowed. Winter's last hurrah...

PMA: Day 2...Dance Fusion kicks my butt

Last night I ended up in bed early, so it was no big deal to get up at 5:15 and workout. I took a risk and popped in my Dance Workout DVD...it's a solid all body workout. Haven't been able to do all of it for a while because of my knee. I figured I'd give it a go.
Whew! It was hard. Harder than I remember, but I did it all. If you're looking for a solid workout DVD that uses all the major bellydance muscle groups and adds in cardio check this DVD out. I like it...it takes a full hour with the full cool down, but it's great.

The good thing is, I could do it all...even the lungy squatty parts. I was careful - no jerky movements, no extending my knees over my feet and I got through it all - no strains or knee pains or clicks. My knee is a bit stiff now, but not sore. No popping as of yet, so maybe these new shoes are worth it after all. We shall see. Ideally I would have liked to go out for a power walk, but it's still a bit too cold yet...soon. I want to use my new HR watch :) I'll try and do this twice a week for now...
Tasty oatmeal breakfast and an easy lunch of leftovers (mataar paneer and rice. yum) and I'm off to work. So far so good :)
Onward Comrades to victory :)

Operation Pimp My Ass: Day 1

I had a glorious weekend. It was one like normal people have - 2 whole freaking days of nothing. Saturday off. I *know*. I haven't had a saturday off in about 2 months. I am beside myself with squee.

And am I ready for looking after me? Hells Yes.

Saturday I had to go and try on my deep red halter style (think 1950s Marylin Monroeish) dress that I'm wearing for my friend's wedding to make sure it fit. And did it? Hells yeah! Like a glove. A sexy red glove. I look seriously fierce in it. :) Good way to start the day.

Then we went for sushi and were all girly, finding her a veil and tiara and jewelry for us girls to wear with our amazing dresses. She picked a colour and let us pick the style, as long as they were cocktail length, so we all look fantastic...great idea.

And the rest of the day? Well, J was working, but I had the car (squeee)...so after hanging with my friend a bit I made my rounds to get ready for my Pimp My Ass program that began this morning.

I now have a 6" foam roller for stretching. I have a T4 polar heart rate monitor watch (red!!!)

I have a great new pair of Asics 1150 gel sole runners to correct my pronating ankles. They only come in a very pinky purple...but my feet are worth it. I'm trying to convince myself it's purple. Definitely not pink. Nope. Nosirree...They feel like little purple pillows. I am way overdue for new shoes...like a year. No wonder I'm having knee issues.I even ordered the 2 fitness mini bands I need for my Core Fitness program so when they come I can begin. I took the time to look after me. I felt so amazing-after trying out some workout wear (which I didn't get) I even decided to go with the freakishly good mood I was in and did a bit of shopping...and I found a great pair of jeans, dress pants, a few shirts and even a nice 2 piece bathing suit. All on sale. All fitting great.

A full evening of relaxing with udon soup and I felt like a relaxed new woman.
And there was a whole other day yet!

Sunday I spent indulging and relaxing too, altho I did get my kitchen cupboard doors sanded and primed...gotta do *something* so I felt a bit useful. I made croissants (oh. my. god. I know they're bad for you. I only ate one...for breakfast, with scrambled eggs and some bacon...but oh. my. god...), some irish lamb stew and biscuits with some Guinness, lime custard (green!) (St. Paddy's day a bit late) and a tiny bag of Walkers cheese and onion chips while watching a movie (which I of course fell asleep during...such is my life lately). Ate too much, and this AM I weigh precisely 134.5 pounds, which is frustrating and what I expected, but yet but I know where I'm at and I'm ready to go. You have to start somewhere, and I ate my way up to that and I am prepared for it. I feel happy, healthy and sufficiently indulged and ready to go.

This AM I was up at 5:20, did my exercise ball DVD, and packed a great salad with veggies and a few nuts and bit of cheese and a can of tuna or protein. Had oatmeal for breakfast and I'm ready to go. Knee is stiff, but OK so far.

Oh yeah. My ass and me? We're going places :)

It's official - my cat is smarter than I am

Cats know what's best. They really are smarter than we give them credit for.
My cat knows that I usually get up at 5:15, feed him (*ahem*) and then go workout for ~40 minutes, have a quick shower and make breakfasts and lunches, check my email and head out to work. This must not be deviated from for more than one day...I'm stupidly busy now, and this little guy is quite demanding of the little time he gets with me. He gets great joy out of howling at me when I workout from the top of the bookshelf and would wait patiently by the window for me when I went out for a run...and he helps me stretch out after by randomly crawling all over me. Lately he sits in my lap as I eat breakfast...on the weekend he is very confused at the sleeping in and deviation from routine, especially as I'm up and at this on saturdays now too working on my Master's project. On sundays, often I bumble out, feed him and go back to bed...to keep from strangling the little guy for all his pestering.
Where am I going with all this?
Well, this morning I slept in. Yes. Point. Laugh. Say what you will. I know I know.I had a long tough day yesterday and was feeling right mopey about me, life, my knee...you name it. I got a bit of time with my husband, but not very much...altho last night was a very vigorous bellydance class (sweaty and fun)and a delicious felafel and hummus pita afterwards. I didn't get to eat it until 8:30, but my food was all healthy all day. My knees were stiff so I left them be for this morning...I rationalized it as my "last" morning sleeping in for a while. I will have new workout shoes soon...and a HR monitor and...well...no more excuses...I stuck my lip out and held it there this morning. I was determined to pout and sleep in and feel sorry for myself...almost like indulging in it for one lest time to get it all out by doing it thoroughly. Or something...
Yeah I know that makes no sense at all does it? At the time it made perfect sense. I *was* pouting incarnate. For some dumb reason having gained 2.5 pounds has made me feel *huge* and blechy and like I've failed. It's not something I can't come back from...but it is so disheartening to know I've got to retrack before I can continue...when working out is a challenge. And so help me, I feel flabby. Lazy. Bleh. Usually this sort of thing doesn't get to me so much but for whatever reason it has been...in spades...

Well...I didn't really get all the rest I wanted this morning. At about 5:40 my cat started walking all over me, standing on my chest...pawing at my blankets and generally being a little PITA. He could not be pushed off or brushed away for more than a minute or two...and I got up at 6 annoyed as hell at him...but as I think about it I realised he was doing me a favour.
The *cat* knows what's good for me. He knows what my routine *should* be. What I need.

And his brain is so much smaller than mine and obsessed with shiny things.
Why can't I get all that without a reminder like this?

Yes...gentleman. We can rebuild her....stronger...faster...better...


I'm taking my fate into my hands...and eying up the FT4 heart rate training "computer" watch...anyone have any opinions of it? No not the pink girly one...the silver cool one...:)
I need a HR monitor for my Core Performance for women fitness program that I want to start soon...along with some stretch bands and a foam roller. This weekend is pimp my fitness. I'm on a mission. Core Fitness is supposed to help strengthen joints. I need to stop whining about my knee and just find alternatives...So here I go.

So...yeah...heart rate monitoring fitness watch thingummies. Know of a better one?
(preferably under $100...as I need shoes too and I'm a grad student...)


New day

Yesterday was a bit of a miserable grumble of a day.
Sorry 'bout that.
Today feels better.
My knee feels normal this morning and I have belly dancing tonight (swordancing!!!)

So ,today is a new day.
We'll start her up and see how it all goes.
I've got salad and a sword and I'm not afraid to use them!

Sometimes I think it's harder to maintain than progress...as strange as that sounds.
I'll settle for a little of either today :)


I keep reading on people's blogs about how they "warmed up for 25 or 30 minutes on the elliptical before their workout...". And it's really pissing me off.

Well, currently I can't even do just that without my left knee being annoying. That's all. No real workout to speak of. Sure lots of long walks but no endorphin pumping sweat dripping workouts. I'm slowly gaining weight...I am up 2 pounds...because I am not able to be as active as I want to. Not a big deal...yet...

Grrr...I believe it may be that I need new shoes. So I will do that. I pronate badly, and it may be making my knee go funny. It's not sore *yet* but it has that feeling like it will if I don't let off. It's starting to click. And I'm not even *doing* anything strenuous to speak of...
So no workout today (again), as it was starting to stiffen up after an hour long walk with J last night.

I hope the new shoes and the leg strengthening exercises I am doing will help.
If that doesn't work - I'll get some orthotic insoles.

If *THAT* doesn't work...well...I will resign myself to cupcakes and beer my good peeps. I'm on the edge of the "I'm tired of trying, maybe life is giving me a hint" danger path that leads off the wagon and all the way to Caketown.

I keep trying to be healthy...I really do...but I can't. I can't even do 30 minutes on lowest settings on the elliptical...even though I used to be able to run 10 K and do squats and lunges. I'm stressed out and I *need* exercise to keep me sane.

Or I turn to food.

This is really really pissing me off.

I will not give in. I promise. I've come too far to give up.

Doesn't stop me wanting to just a little though...


This morning I did nothing...as my knee felt odd.

We shall see what comes tomorrow.

Stupid knee...

Spring is on it's way

I got out for a nice long walk on sunday.

This morning I was up at 5:15 and did 32 minutes on the elliptical, with some cooldown. A muscle on the inside of my left leg is a bit sore. This is making me very very nervous. I did some stretching and I am crossing my fingers (and toes...and eyes...) that it is not knee related. We shall see. I'm trying to be positive. I haven't done anything overly strenuous to my leg, so who knows...

This week I'm going to focus on healthy eating and making sure I get in my 3 aerobic workouts and 2 bellydance workouts. Slowly I can build up endurance.
Plus I'm getting new workout shoes this weekend. My old runners have become my work shoes, so I need new ones. My old ones are pretty beat up. I don't have a chance at keeping my knee in good shape if I don't get new shoes...

I'm quite excited at how quickly the snow is melting. Within a few weeks, maybe even the beginning of april, it should be nice enough out to go for walks in the mornings and start biking to work soon. The ice will be gone. That will be so nice...

Here's crossing my fingers my knee stays out of trouble. If it starts to hurt again I'm going to the doctor and demanding a new one...or something. There has to be a way around it...

Sun sun sun here it comes...

Last night at bellydance class we did a lot of practicing, and more zill work. I loved it. I find I'm losing my self consciousness and don't worry so much about "maybe screwing up" anymore.
After all, how else am I going to learn?
My instructor brought one of her snakes to class. When she solos, she dances with one of her 2 corn snakes wrapped around her. She brought her little red one Ruby for us to see after class...beautiful thing. Bright red and inquisitive...and soft as velvet.

This morning I was good and got up to do 31 minutes on the elliptical. Then a few minutes cool down, with some sit-ups and lots of stretching. I so very much want to do more...but I'm trying to be patient. Three 30 minute elliptical workouts a week plus bellydance the other 2 for now. I'm easing my knee back in properly. I will ease it into things...so that by the time the great spring melt is over I can go out for walks (jogs?) in the mornings.

Already the sun was starting to lighten the sky as I ate my breakfast. Soon it'll be up when I'm up...it's so much easier getting up to workout when the sun is up too. And I will keep looking after myself even as life gets more and more crazy. Luckily my lovely J has been very supportive and what little time I get to spend with him is so very nice...this weekend we have tickets to a play and a family birthday dinner so I will get plenty of good relaxing in. Today is my day off work so I can put in 2 full days of work on my MSc project today ad tomorrow, which will put my mind at ease as well...

Well, I'm off to that then.
Have a good weekend all :)

More tired than I thought

Last night I was more tired than I thought and kept falling asleep, so J nudged me in the direction of the bedroom and I was asleep by 9. I slept through full to this morning, and then some. I was all snuggled in and hit snooze a few times. Then I didn't workout, but I did a bunch of stretching, and then the rest of my workout time putting together a huge batch of chili in the slow cooker (I was supposed to do it last night but forgot in my sleepyness...ahem...), made healthy lunches and breakfast and was out the door to the bus right on time. I feel so utterly rested. It's lovely. :)
I have been having spinach salads for lunch lately as I bought a HUGE bin of organic spinach last week and it needed to be eaten up. I've had spinach in everything lately. Yummy. Today is the last of it. I'm having it with an avocado and some nuts and veggies for a lovely full salady lunch. I find as long as I have some kind of protein with my veggies (felafel's, chicken or avocado) I find it's a nice lunch that doesn't weight me down and takes no time at all to put together. Yum. My coworkers think I'm slightly mad with these giant spinach salads, but I've noticed they sort of watch me eat rather enviously...he heh. Tasty food makes the day go by so much better. It's almost a little ritual to assemble the salad...very zen. (yes...the zen of salad...)

Today I have another full day, but in the end, after work and a long meeting I get home late to delicious chili. Mmmm...
Later taters.

Nice weekend. How about you?

Well hey.
I got out for a long walk on the weekend (it's been all warm and melty lately) and this morning I was up and did 30 minutes on the elliptical again with lots of stretching after.

We went out for Vietnamese food on the weekend (after going to 2 other restaurants first that were randomly closed - seriously...no Indian or Burmese food t be found for some reason. We were starving by the time we got to Red Pepper and overjoyed that they were open!). Yum. Salad rolls...wonton soup...noodle bowl. Yum. Other than that - healthy eating all around. I had a beer, but I figure 1 beer as a reward for working hard in the lab won't kill me.

I got lots done on my MSc and my kitchen is back together...now I have to finish up the doors to put them back on.
All in good time.
Just popped in to log my workout, but I must go.

Science beckons...

bhangra and bellydancing. Yes. Good...

I got up this morning...shut off the alarm once I was sitting up!
Bellydance last night was a lot of fun. We learned a lot of bhangra moves as we're going to use them as warmups-want a good cardio thing? Bhangra dancing. Seriously. And it's so much fun to screw in the light bulb...:) We danced our groove out to this song...so much fun! (this version without all the rapping is much better...) We did some sword balance practice too. That was great. I'm getting better slowly. My sword only fell off twice...it's so cool to get to use it :)
So this morning I wanted to do more bellydance...I remembered why I love it so much.

So I whipped out my tribal fusion drill DVD with yoga warmup. Love this DVD. Good stretch out and then 2 full sets of drills for arms, shoulders, chest, hips and legs. Solid 30 minute of movement in each set of drills. I did set one...ah that lovely arm burn you get form tribal arms...it burns so good!!
Had my oatmeal and a trial of a glass of pink lemonade metamucil for breakfast. Know what? Man that stuff is yummy. Really. I would drink it by choice...quite tasty. Good to know all things good for me don't have to taste bad. We'll see how much of it I need to take...my doc said a glass every other day to start would be a good way to go. We shall see...I have the slowest digestion system on the planet and I'm trying to...er...help myself digest things better (TMI I know sorry) so hopefully this, together with all the veg and whole grains will make me a new woman on the inside.

Today I'm pensive. It would have been my parent's 50th wedding anniversary.
My Dad (such a sweetheart) has a bouquet of flowers and their wedding photo out today to celebrate all those years together. For him the memories are getting sweeter. I'm glad. I know I'll be thinking of her today...

50 years.
I hope I am so lucky...:)

Another brick in the wall

Tough one...I was having supper at my brothers and his wife (who is ~300 Lbs) was telling me how she is quite frustrated at not being able to lose weight. How she has tried over and over and it never works. She has. Many times. Her weight keep slowly inching up and her health keep s getting worse and her depression certainly doesn't help. I just don't know what to say anymore. I've seen her try, and sometimes, yes, she has given it her all...for a few weeks. They eat quite healthy (at least when I'm around) at meals. The main thing with them is snacks. LOTs of them...and not healthy ones either. Lots of ice cream, chips and candies...mindless nibbling in front of the computer and very little activity. We'll go out for supper and she'll have a salad, baked potato and large milkshake. It's just not...it's' wired up wrong in there for a lack of a better way to put it.

Being that big lends to lots of aches and health issues, so it's not easy for her. I felt bad, and I know she suffers from depression so I didn't give her the "hard talk". I just tried to talk about how good it feels to look after yourself. I thought maybe if she just started doing some things she'd be encouraged to do more. I wish she could find a trainer at a gym or some group to help there lose weight...enough to really listen to her and help her and keep tweaking thinks so they work for her so she can feel accomplished and stick with it, because she NEEDS to, or she is going to get worse and worse health wise...probably die far too young and leave my brother alone and sad.

She is already on a sleep apnea machine at night and cannot do very much from aches and pains and fibromyalgia, celiac disease, thyroid issues and other problems. Her hips bother her driving a standard car and she has a lady come in to do some of the cleaning because she can't do the bending and crouching of it all. I would think feeling miserable all the time would be a good incentive, but sometimes it just wears you down and makes you want to give up. For me I hit a wall and said "enough is enough" and I changed. I had to. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life miserable. But I never got to that point or had that much to deal with.
I just don't know how to help her out...I dont' know if I can. I feel as though I should try though. I know I can't make her change, but I keep thinking just maybe I can help her find what she needs. She keeps going from "new idea" to "new theory" to try and find a solution (both fruity medicine and otherwise) as to why she is the way she is and how to get better. I don't know how to tell her "you've got to commit to 3 months babe and stick to it". I bet in 3 months if she really tried with diet and activity she'd sees a difference. She just couldn't stop when it was hard. Giving up is easy.
I tried to get her into bellydancing and she was really keen on it and enjoyed it but it wreaked havoc on her joints. She's very sensitive and rather self consious so it's hard for her to ask for help, let alone accept it. I'm just not sure how fun she'd be to live with at first (I know I'm cranky when I don't eat), but I bet she'd kick a lot of her meds if she lost 50 or 75 pounds. She doesn't want to be perfectly thin, just healthy. And I totally get that...and I feel for her. My brother has always been a stick of a man, so he doesn't have anything to contribute...if anything he jsut wants her to be happy. Unfortunately he can't constantly nag her to do stuff...it's up to her. He's very supportive when she tried things, but when she doesn't, he's a little to easy at letting her do what she likes, as it's easier to live with. So she gives up when it gets hard.

How do you stand by and watch someone you care for eat their life away? I've said things before...I feel like there should be something more I can do, other than try and live by example. What would you do?

Don't blink

Heh...this morning I turned off my alarm, blinked and it was an hour later.
No harm done, except a lack of workout. I guess I was more tired than I thought. I was up doing a bunch of chores around the house and got to bed late, and then woke up again for a bit when J got home from a shoot about 1 AM. What can you do?
Tonight I have bellydance class so it's not a total loss, and I have healthy meals, but I am going to have to actually get up before I turn off my alarm it would seem...here's to shaking my stuff tonight and getting up tomorrow (knock on wood!)

Paranoia makes you blink!

I must admit...I'm so incredibly paranoid about my knee. I kept focusing on it all day yesterday. I was a bit stiff from working out...what was that? A twinge? Am I stiff or sore? What does it mean? *sigh*
Every little nuance of kneedom was obsessed over to see if perhaps somehow I had aggrivated it on the elliptical yesterday morning. So, with the odd click in my knee last night, this morning I did some situps, curls, and some arm work with resistance bands and weights, but no cardio or knee stuff. I did some leg extensions and things recommended by my doctor to strengthen the muscles around the knee. I'm going to do them every day. My legs were stiff last night and it freaked me out. Perhaps too much, but what can you do? Colour me paranoid.

Truth is I *wanted* to do my Dance fusion workout DVD this morning...I want that endorphin rush, but there's lots of lunges and squats and stuff in it and...well...I honestly I swear that I would lose it if my knee goes on me right now. I would sincerely freak out, and get depressed, and it would impact my mood very negatively. I can't explain it, but after months off of it to heal and it being too cold out yet for me to walk in the morning is I *need* to exercise somehow.

In a time where I'm finally getting back together emotionally after losing Mum and my life is getting all crazy busy with work and my MSc and all the rest, I am making looking after myself a priority - the one thing I'm asking from the world for myself. It's what *I* get - I get to be healthy.

It's weird to write that out, considering I used to not even do anything, but I really want to find a way to get in my workouts and feel good and not be injured. Knees are tricky animals. And I'm only 36...jeebus. I shouldn't have these problems. I still feel like I'm 25. Heh...truth be told I feel *better* than I did when I was 25 now that I'm healthy...

I think it's kind of like the thing that urged me to lose weight in the first place - my body wouldn't let me live and do what I wanted to. Add to that seeing my Mum die of heart issues and it's got me really focused on looking after myself...and frustrated at finding the "right" way to do it without hurting myself. And I want to be at the point where I can run again this summer...I hope I hope...

SO...I'm maybe being a bit too paranoid...but...paranoia won out, and I didn't use my knee much this morning. And it will be OK...tomorrow I will do more cardio and my bellydance class is on, and friday my ball DVD again. On the weekend, after my day of MSc work I will hit the campus gym and see what they have to offer...

*topic change*

I won (yay) a copy of Core Fitness for Women in December (thanks!)...and I finally have time to read it over. I'm interested in the exercise aspects of it. I've declared my 15 minute bus ride here to work and home my "reading for me" time (sad I know, but I really am that busy). I just finished up West of Eden (good sci-fi) and so I've started in on it. The diet part is logical - sort of the way I already eat...only I apparently need more protein and fibre and could use some fish oils. We buy 90% of our groceries once a month and last night at grocery time -it was a grand super spendothon on healthy non-processed foods. This month has been declared a non-processed food month (not counting whole grain bread or buns). No pre-made stuff. Lots of healthy cuts of meat, grains and beans. Healthy lunches and snacks. I even have snow peas people...I will use all my kitcheny appliance friends to make wholesome meals, lunches, muffins and things for us that are healthy and good for us...and still have time for all the 20 zillion things I have to do. (knock on wood)

I'm really interested in the exercises part of the Core book. I'm not skipping ahead and being good and reading it all, but I'm hoping it will have some good workout things for me to do. I don't need to be hardcore or anything...I'm just looking to find some nice varied daily workouts. On days I work I will also workout...Sundays are a free day. Free for eating a bit more (multi grain pancakes...I cannot resist you...) and sleeping in and relaxing.

I'm rambling out my stress...I really should get to work.


Wish me luck.

Oh interwebby friends:

If anyone has any suggestions for extra fibre (other than a glass of pink lemonade metamucil every day that I'm going to start up this month after my doc's repeated suggestion...nothing makes you feel old like that!) or protein in my diet let me know. I've got all bran to add to muffins, I have oatmeal for breakfast and I just made some apple oatmeal muffins for the week. I know I could add protein powder to fruit smoothies, but for some reason I hesitate. It's like I'm cheating. What do you think-Is shelling out the $20 for a big jug of vanilla protein worth it to supplement our diet?

I bought enough real meats and things to fill in proteins this month, but it's really freaking expensive (seriously...my jaw dropped at the till last night-it's never been that high before.) to do that. I'm looking at other alternatives to cut cost a bit...it just went against my month's "no processed foods" thing to use protein shakes this month. I'm interested in what you think of them though - do they really make a difference?

Day 2: elliptical

Just a quick pop in to log my workout.

I did 30 minutes on the elliptical this AM. I wanted to ease into things and be nice to my knee so I started with that and I'll work up adding 5 minutes a week from there.
So far so good. I'm stiff in places from the ball DVD...feels good though. It's been a while since I felt that. Nothing painful...just the feeling that lets you know you've done something good :)
And so far, my knee is happy. Woo.

Have a great day!

Day 1: a good start

Well, this morning I finally got up and worked out. It was nice. I did my ball exercise DVD and had a healthy breakfast, and I've packed a healthy lunch.
I must admit I sort of went on a crappy food binge this weekend. We went to a b-movie horror film party (chips & beer) and on Sunday I went to a bollywood film with my brother where there was popcorn, pokoras and some chocolate. Oh, and I made pizza on saturday. Yeah...Not absolutely horrible, but not at all the generally healthy eating like I usually manage to pull off. I'm putting my clean eating hat back on today and I'll be good. I can't do that all the time or I'll start expanding rapidly...

My knee has not given me any problem at all so so far so good. Tomorrow I'll hop on the elliptical for half an hour and see how it likes it. My cold is banished and over with as well, so I've got the green light for fitness again. I hope it goes well...it feels good to exercise again. I haven't done that ball DVD since my Mum was in the hospital...it's been too long.
This weekend I got a whole saturday's work in on my MSc and finished up a book and some other things. I feel eternally behind, but I'm just going to keep doing things, making lists and keeping at it. I won't get everything done all the time (frustrating) but I can sort of keep on top of things. It's a start :)