Technical difficulties - please stand by

I got bored and thought I'd tweak my blog's been a while.

dear frog I have no idea what I'm doing...........hmmm

I feel like someone stole my sausage. Well, no turning back now :P

It's a date

Just got a letter in the mail with my final final plastic surgery date - March 14. Phew - so yeah... 2 months until my last (knock on wood) surgery date ever. Lift my real boob to match the fake one better and take some fat from my muffin top and pad out Frankie a bit more. The fat grafting will probably hurt more than the lift, but we shall see. I am supposed to be off work for 2-3 weeks, so I anticipate heading back to work at the start of April. I am glad to have a timeline and know that it'll all soon be over. My doc has said that after this I'll probably be as good as I can get and so that'll be enough for me...time to get on with life.

It's given me a bit of a kick in the ass to decide I'll go a bit more hard core with my workouts and see how it all goes. Being as close to my ideal weight as possible will be helpful for the surgery, since my fake boob doesn't gain weight like the real one does, so it's trickier to match it well if I'm not close to where I want to be in the end. I pulled out my old copy of Insanity and decided to start it this week before I could talk myself out of it. Did the fit test today and kept my scores...we shall see how I progress over the next month. Having a concrete goal and date always helps me focus - Here's hoping I can stick to it. I remember it being intense, but doable. We shall see.

I am excited because next week I go to Portland for 6 days for training for work. I never did get to Portland when I was in the US last fall, so I am hoping there will be some cool things to do in the evenings. For now, I'm just gathering up stuff and passport and all those fun things.

I should get to it - lots of lab stuff to do this week since I'll be away next one. Have a fabulous week!

The year of the wow

The changes in my partner in the last month have been remarkable. I really am quite in awe of his work, not only being done on himself, but also at our lives. He is taking time to deal with some anxiety and some relationships that have been toxic for him and find more fulfilling work to be busier and more fulfilled. Since January he has been on a quest to reorganize our home with his time that he has to spare at home and our house is literally being transformed. His goal is to have the 3rd level as a studio madness workshop and I am absolutely on board with that - all his stuff in one area and not all over the house? Cool.
Areas of the home that were full of stuff and clutter are now clean and useful and things have homes so we can better keep them organised. He was inspired once h did a bit of organising to finally go through things in the house - I am not good at decluttering. I just make new piles. He is tossing and ordering There is a whole part of the basement fully open now that I stood in last night that I honestly have not been able to get into for YEARS. It's really amazing.

He's also been offered full time work with a local lighting company who do live events and theatre, and they are treating him really well. 1 week officially there and it's been great so far. It all came out of the live work he was doing the last few months at a local theatre. He's learning new equipment and getting to do what he loves with people who also like to do lighting and decor. He's also found a collaborator for working with lights, video and lasers here in town who is as into things as he is so for the first time in a long time he has the potential to create and make things again and isn't tied to toxic unhealthy people who bring him down.

I don't know if it's a combination of therapy and medication and life and work and fullfillment but J is so much more positive and caring. He's even more aware of when he says things without a filter and is trying to be a bit more...kind. I am really in love and the edginess and stress that was so prevalent in our lives last year has drifted off into the breeze to leave behind our love. It sure helps that I really love when he does things around the house and it's amazing to see him and not me working so hard to make our home amazing. I really would not be able to do this. I am super busy at work right now, but am doing my part to maintain clarity and pick away at things I feel need work as well - mostly trying to make sure we both eat healthy and workout regularly. I've been reading/listening to "the happiness project" and I think 2018 is going to be a renewed focus on contentment, being present and decluttering/organizing so that where I live makes me happy.

My life is so nice now. I am full of gratitude and hope.

2018 is the year of the wow.

...and also the new Beck album is seriously great. Listen to it. Go on...

Ya snooze ya lose

I had grand hopes for the morning - get up and workout before coming in to work.
I failed.
I couldn't sleep so I took an ativan to help and I did get a good rest, but I didn't wake up well. I hit snooze a few times without noticing and cut out my workout time. It was warm enough at least that I could walk to work, but no morning workout for me. I do plan to go to dragon flow yoga at lunch tho so there is that. I'm also a part of a daily arms and legs mini workout challenge from a cancer recovery fitness facebook group so I'll fit that in too. They are 3X10 reps of 3 different exercises that are easy to fit in the day. It helps me feel better.
I do plan to get to more dedicated workouts this week though. I stayed up to wierd hours on the weekend and had an amazing weekend...but realised jsut how that makes me exhausted for work. So I need to reign that in again.
Oh well - new week. I am already finding myself to be more flexible and core strong from the yoga I have been doing. I am particularly pleased about the increased balance and fine muscle control I am gaining. THAT is cool. Perhaps I will move beyond being Clumsy McGee :)
Happy monday my good peeps. I'm off to the lab.

Looking for answers

It's odd - I get asked this a lot. 

Some people seem to think that having been through the illness I have I should have some kind of quest for deeper meaning and hope that I didn't have before. Being raised in a religious family certainly gave me some starting points, but I will admit to a lot of screaming and ranting at the sky while ill, and that in the end I have not found any sort of faith or meaning that I didn't have before and I have relied on knowledge to carry my through the worst of it all. My mum had a very strong faith and it sustained her while she was ill and I would never have tried to take that from her - but for me that wasn't how it worked. It's not like I didn't think about dying - and truly I'm not scared to die anymore. With me, now I just have so much to do that I don't want to have to stop before I finish it all. To me clutching to a belief I do not have simply because I was dying and thought it might be a good idea to hedge my bets against an eternity and unknown conclusion is not a valid reason for faith. Maybe I'm weird that way...but faith is faith and belief is belief...regardless of where you are in life...or death. I am committed to a lifetime of learning.

In the end, I currently get by with the love and support of my partner and family, a little help from my friends and a lot of knowledge from wherever I can find it. The line in this cartoon sums it up completely for me - "I find my courage where I can, but I take my weapons from science." 

And yes...2 years later I'm still doing science and I'm still alive :)

(Brilliant comics courtesy of XKCD)