Thursday, March 4, 2010

Another brick in the wall

Tough one...I was having supper at my brothers and his wife (who is ~300 Lbs) was telling me how she is quite frustrated at not being able to lose weight. How she has tried over and over and it never works. She has. Many times. Her weight keep slowly inching up and her health keep s getting worse and her depression certainly doesn't help. I just don't know what to say anymore. I've seen her try, and sometimes, yes, she has given it her all...for a few weeks. They eat quite healthy (at least when I'm around) at meals. The main thing with them is snacks. LOTs of them...and not healthy ones either. Lots of ice cream, chips and candies...mindless nibbling in front of the computer and very little activity. We'll go out for supper and she'll have a salad, baked potato and large milkshake. It's just not...it's' wired up wrong in there for a lack of a better way to put it.

Being that big lends to lots of aches and health issues, so it's not easy for her. I felt bad, and I know she suffers from depression so I didn't give her the "hard talk". I just tried to talk about how good it feels to look after yourself. I thought maybe if she just started doing some things she'd be encouraged to do more. I wish she could find a trainer at a gym or some group to help there lose weight...enough to really listen to her and help her and keep tweaking thinks so they work for her so she can feel accomplished and stick with it, because she NEEDS to, or she is going to get worse and worse health wise...probably die far too young and leave my brother alone and sad.

She is already on a sleep apnea machine at night and cannot do very much from aches and pains and fibromyalgia, celiac disease, thyroid issues and other problems. Her hips bother her driving a standard car and she has a lady come in to do some of the cleaning because she can't do the bending and crouching of it all. I would think feeling miserable all the time would be a good incentive, but sometimes it just wears you down and makes you want to give up. For me I hit a wall and said "enough is enough" and I changed. I had to. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life miserable. But I never got to that point or had that much to deal with.
I just don't know how to help her out...I dont' know if I can. I feel as though I should try though. I know I can't make her change, but I keep thinking just maybe I can help her find what she needs. She keeps going from "new idea" to "new theory" to try and find a solution (both fruity medicine and otherwise) as to why she is the way she is and how to get better. I don't know how to tell her "you've got to commit to 3 months babe and stick to it". I bet in 3 months if she really tried with diet and activity she'd sees a difference. She just couldn't stop when it was hard. Giving up is easy.
I tried to get her into bellydancing and she was really keen on it and enjoyed it but it wreaked havoc on her joints. She's very sensitive and rather self consious so it's hard for her to ask for help, let alone accept it. I'm just not sure how fun she'd be to live with at first (I know I'm cranky when I don't eat), but I bet she'd kick a lot of her meds if she lost 50 or 75 pounds. She doesn't want to be perfectly thin, just healthy. And I totally get that...and I feel for her. My brother has always been a stick of a man, so he doesn't have anything to contribute...if anything he jsut wants her to be happy. Unfortunately he can't constantly nag her to do stuff...it's up to her. He's very supportive when she tried things, but when she doesn't, he's a little to easy at letting her do what she likes, as it's easier to live with. So she gives up when it gets hard.

How do you stand by and watch someone you care for eat their life away? I've said things before...I feel like there should be something more I can do, other than try and live by example. What would you do?

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