It's been a weird week. Up. Down. Side to side.
I'm trying to be healthy and get in my exercise to make the most of my last month before I have to sit on my ass again for a month (sigh). Actually it's not that bad. I can walk. I'm hoping I can keep at it and be consistent. I've noticed I am getting stronger and can do more reps so that is cool. Next week I am moving up from 5Lb to 8Lb weights with my physio and will go out for a run on wednesday mornings (if the weather isn't sucktastic - if it is I'll head into the gym and use the treadmill). Or maybe I'll try some PIIT.
I am quite glad at a recent opportunity that came up at work. My Master's work was on immunohistochemistry related to breast cancer and breast cancer markers. This is how they see if you're receptor positive or not and determine your treatment. For many years I've waited for my former supervisor to publish my work (outside my thesis) and haven't had any luck. A breast cancer researcher here who is funded by the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation (who I've been doing a run for to rais $$ for many years) wants me to use my work with him. My boss is OK with me doing a little side research so I get to do it!
!!!!!
This certainly helps me mentally when I get down and wonder just what I'm actually doing that's useful with my life that I fought for. It's fabulous. I hope hope hope it works out well for me.
Meep.
Happy Easter
 |
| I don't get it...are they going to eat the bird? How um...festive? |
Sheesh. There be some wierd people out there...
Anyhoo...
Happy Easter all of you fine peoples. Whether you celebrate the religious or the pagan holiday (or just use the time to be off work, eat delicious food and chocolate eggs) I wish you all a fine weekend with family and friends. I plan to eat a big mennonite easter lunch tomorrow and then relax all weekend celebrating a friend's birthday and seeing how many mini eggs I can fit in my mouth at one time.
It's good to have goals.
Fort Neufeldo
I had a great weekend. Rejuvenating and cathartic.
J is building structures for the summer for outdoors out of pipe and built one in our living room as a proof of concept and we ended up keeping it for the weekend and turning it into a blanket fort. SO much fun. We filled it with pillows and spent the weekend in it reading and relaxing and drinking wine. The cats assumed we built it just for them and have been living in there non-stop since we put it up. I think they'll be sad when we tear it down this week.
Lately I've been good health-wise physically, but mentally it's been tough. Not sadness so much as detachment. I have found myself distracted and less than enthusiastic about work and trying not to worry too much about my upcoming surgery. It's a minor one in comparison, but it's just one more thing to go through before I'm done. Another reminder of what I've been through. Am still going through. J and I talked a lot...(what would I do without that man? I just don't know) Sometime you just need to let out your stress and worry so you can get back to being normal again. Living daily with the thought of possible reoccurrence in the back of your head is a very difficult thing. You worry...but yet there is nothing you can do about it so you have to try and shut it off and focus on the positive things...but then sometimes other things get dulled as well and it impacts your daily life. It's always there, poking at you when you least expect it. It's one of the reasons why I've been enjoying more physical exercise because it's a physical meditation where I can focus on music because when I often quiet my mind this comes to the front of it...and sometimes I'm just damn tired of it all. I hadn't realized just how much it was getting to me until this weekend. Nothing has changed per se, but just talking about it...allowing myself to feel it and address the feelings helped me get a bit of my soul back from the worry monster and feel better.
It also helped that I have some new duds to wear so I feel more confident. I haven't really bought any new clothes since before I got sick since I keep changing sizes but I'm close to settling in to my "regular" size again. This weekend My bestie and I went to a local clothes swap and it was great...not only did we get to go out for brunch and visit first but I got rid of some things I no longer wear and came home with a seriously amazing stash of new clothes. I have about 8 pairs of pants (skinny jeans and cords and a few capris) and some nice shirts for work. I also grabbed a nice pair of boots like ones I've been trying to find for a while and a pair of ski pants that fit me (my old pair are from my bigger days and are HUGE so this is pretty damn cool). I even found a floor length black dress that fits me perfectly...so now I need to go out somewhere swanky where I can wear it. :) All told I probably brought home about $700 of clothes for free...I love community clothes swaps. I've been to a few now and it's a great way to have clothes re-purposed and do it on a budget. My bestie is in the midst of losing baby fat so for her it was a great way to get some clothes for her to transition into and not pay an arm and a leg for new non-maternity clothes. I was feeling frumpy and I have some really nice fitting stylish pants now...all those squats I've been doing are starting to pay off. I'm feeling very happy with how I look in the new pants which is a huge boost. I often don't take the time to look after myself...this weekend was a reminder to do this more. I don't know about you but I find when I dress up a bit in clothes I feel good in I generally have a better day.
We finished off the evening with BBQ burgers and watching the new Pee-Wee Herman movie on Netflix. I giggled like a little kid...it was great. If you liked the original move years ago then definitely watch it. I went to bed with a smile on my face.
:)
J is building structures for the summer for outdoors out of pipe and built one in our living room as a proof of concept and we ended up keeping it for the weekend and turning it into a blanket fort. SO much fun. We filled it with pillows and spent the weekend in it reading and relaxing and drinking wine. The cats assumed we built it just for them and have been living in there non-stop since we put it up. I think they'll be sad when we tear it down this week.
Lately I've been good health-wise physically, but mentally it's been tough. Not sadness so much as detachment. I have found myself distracted and less than enthusiastic about work and trying not to worry too much about my upcoming surgery. It's a minor one in comparison, but it's just one more thing to go through before I'm done. Another reminder of what I've been through. Am still going through. J and I talked a lot...(what would I do without that man? I just don't know) Sometime you just need to let out your stress and worry so you can get back to being normal again. Living daily with the thought of possible reoccurrence in the back of your head is a very difficult thing. You worry...but yet there is nothing you can do about it so you have to try and shut it off and focus on the positive things...but then sometimes other things get dulled as well and it impacts your daily life. It's always there, poking at you when you least expect it. It's one of the reasons why I've been enjoying more physical exercise because it's a physical meditation where I can focus on music because when I often quiet my mind this comes to the front of it...and sometimes I'm just damn tired of it all. I hadn't realized just how much it was getting to me until this weekend. Nothing has changed per se, but just talking about it...allowing myself to feel it and address the feelings helped me get a bit of my soul back from the worry monster and feel better.
It also helped that I have some new duds to wear so I feel more confident. I haven't really bought any new clothes since before I got sick since I keep changing sizes but I'm close to settling in to my "regular" size again. This weekend My bestie and I went to a local clothes swap and it was great...not only did we get to go out for brunch and visit first but I got rid of some things I no longer wear and came home with a seriously amazing stash of new clothes. I have about 8 pairs of pants (skinny jeans and cords and a few capris) and some nice shirts for work. I also grabbed a nice pair of boots like ones I've been trying to find for a while and a pair of ski pants that fit me (my old pair are from my bigger days and are HUGE so this is pretty damn cool). I even found a floor length black dress that fits me perfectly...so now I need to go out somewhere swanky where I can wear it. :) All told I probably brought home about $700 of clothes for free...I love community clothes swaps. I've been to a few now and it's a great way to have clothes re-purposed and do it on a budget. My bestie is in the midst of losing baby fat so for her it was a great way to get some clothes for her to transition into and not pay an arm and a leg for new non-maternity clothes. I was feeling frumpy and I have some really nice fitting stylish pants now...all those squats I've been doing are starting to pay off. I'm feeling very happy with how I look in the new pants which is a huge boost. I often don't take the time to look after myself...this weekend was a reminder to do this more. I don't know about you but I find when I dress up a bit in clothes I feel good in I generally have a better day.
We finished off the evening with BBQ burgers and watching the new Pee-Wee Herman movie on Netflix. I giggled like a little kid...it was great. If you liked the original move years ago then definitely watch it. I went to bed with a smile on my face.
:)
Slow and Steady
Hiya. Sorry I'm not here much. Just enjoying things and busy. I'm trying to cut back time on the computer where I am wasting time I could be doing real stuff so my blog and facebook have been cut back some lately.
I seem to have a good rhythm with this weeks fitness. MWF physio with my walk to work added in and tuesday/thursday gym workouts of lower body and some cardio. If I could get my eating a little more in line I think I can really make a change by my April surgery. I have been feeling pretty jiggly lately and this exercise helpe me feel more like I'm in control of my health instead of just reacting and recovering...Starting April I plan to go in to the gym on wednesday morning too for more intense cardio with my physio......there is something about going to a place to workout that makes me work harder...I mean I made myself get there I might as well do something right? I suppose I could work out how to do it at home too. I will have to see. If I could get some different weights, an equalizer bar and maybe a sandbag for home I could really have a good gym and just workout at home...but one of the perks of my job is free gym membership so I don't mind using it. I like free.
I've been snacking more than necessary lately and eating huge portions of delicious things ...which is yummy, and probably just from increasing my activity, but I am trying to get myself in good base shape again before my surgery at the end of April so that when I take a month off until ~ mid-June when I can exercise again and am out in the sunshine in shorts and tank tops this summer I won't feel too jiggly and self conscious. I don't need to be totally ripped, but I don't want to waste any time worrying about whether my clothes fit me properly and being uncomfortable- Life is too short for that. Plus I can't afford to buy new summer clothes so I'm gonna work to build up muscle tone and strength. I'd love to just dive into the Insanity workout again (that whipped me into shape pretty quick) but I MUST be patient. Slow and steady. Infuriatingly slow but very very necessary. Too fast = lymphedema which you NEVER get rid of once you develop... so I am going to continue at my current rate. I keep reminding myself that this is my whole life and that I'll get there. I am working at it and that is the most important part. I already feel stronger in my arms, back and legs and I know if I keep at it and make an effort I can be as healthy as I can be and have a not too jiggly arse. After April I am hopeful that I will not have to have any more surgery (crossing all available appendages) and can just get back to living my damn life already.
Yes indeed.
Life.
Yay.
I seem to have a good rhythm with this weeks fitness. MWF physio with my walk to work added in and tuesday/thursday gym workouts of lower body and some cardio. If I could get my eating a little more in line I think I can really make a change by my April surgery. I have been feeling pretty jiggly lately and this exercise helpe me feel more like I'm in control of my health instead of just reacting and recovering...Starting April I plan to go in to the gym on wednesday morning too for more intense cardio with my physio......there is something about going to a place to workout that makes me work harder...I mean I made myself get there I might as well do something right? I suppose I could work out how to do it at home too. I will have to see. If I could get some different weights, an equalizer bar and maybe a sandbag for home I could really have a good gym and just workout at home...but one of the perks of my job is free gym membership so I don't mind using it. I like free.
I've been snacking more than necessary lately and eating huge portions of delicious things ...which is yummy, and probably just from increasing my activity, but I am trying to get myself in good base shape again before my surgery at the end of April so that when I take a month off until ~ mid-June when I can exercise again and am out in the sunshine in shorts and tank tops this summer I won't feel too jiggly and self conscious. I don't need to be totally ripped, but I don't want to waste any time worrying about whether my clothes fit me properly and being uncomfortable- Life is too short for that. Plus I can't afford to buy new summer clothes so I'm gonna work to build up muscle tone and strength. I'd love to just dive into the Insanity workout again (that whipped me into shape pretty quick) but I MUST be patient. Slow and steady. Infuriatingly slow but very very necessary. Too fast = lymphedema which you NEVER get rid of once you develop... so I am going to continue at my current rate. I keep reminding myself that this is my whole life and that I'll get there. I am working at it and that is the most important part. I already feel stronger in my arms, back and legs and I know if I keep at it and make an effort I can be as healthy as I can be and have a not too jiggly arse. After April I am hopeful that I will not have to have any more surgery (crossing all available appendages) and can just get back to living my damn life already.
Yes indeed.
Life.
Yay.
So far so good
Mmmm. Sushi. I just met a friend for lunch and had sushi. Yum.
It's been a good busy week or so. Work is fun. Home is good. The house is super messy and I've started working on cleaning and decluttering it bit by bit each day to make a dent in things...courage.
I've been good and done my physio and walked to work monday wednesday and friday and going in to the gym to do lower body work and elliptical or running tuesday and thursday mornings. Just saw my physiotherapist this morning and she says my range of motion is great and my strength is progressing well. I've got a few new things to do and a few things not to do and I can keep building up strength for the next few months. Yes. Good job everyone.
I'm happy to know that my my swap out surgery date to get my implants and my other breast matching the new one is set- April 25. Hopefully that's the last major surgery I need. Then i can work on healing up and getting back to full strength for good. Here's to that.
It's been a good busy week or so. Work is fun. Home is good. The house is super messy and I've started working on cleaning and decluttering it bit by bit each day to make a dent in things...courage.
I've been good and done my physio and walked to work monday wednesday and friday and going in to the gym to do lower body work and elliptical or running tuesday and thursday mornings. Just saw my physiotherapist this morning and she says my range of motion is great and my strength is progressing well. I've got a few new things to do and a few things not to do and I can keep building up strength for the next few months. Yes. Good job everyone.
I'm happy to know that my my swap out surgery date to get my implants and my other breast matching the new one is set- April 25. Hopefully that's the last major surgery I need. Then i can work on healing up and getting back to full strength for good. Here's to that.
Boom!
But......I. Want. More.
I got a few sideways curious glances while changing and showering but I honestly don't mind. It's to be expected. I have some pretty unusual scars and it's not every day you see someone without a nipple. And you know what? I wear them all with pride. I earned them all and it's a helluva story to tell if anyone ever asks. I mean, I'd be curious too back before this all happened if I saw something like them. I'm not gonna hide under a towel or cringe or change how I act or feel. Life's too short for that kinda stuff. I'm working to be strong and healthy, whatever the new me can be. I'm proud of my body, flaws and all. :)
At any rate - I should.get to it. I have a highly disappointing butternut squash saag curry for lunch. It looked so good as a recipe...but it's pretty bland. It *is* healthy tho, so I'll finish it up. I have to get groceries tonight so that'll eat up most of the evening. BUT... my J gets home late tonight. Man, I miss him. It's the little things you know? The every day things. My best friend will be home soon. Hooray.
There's nothing like fresh baked bread
What a nice weekend.
I thought I dodged the stiffness bullet from my big workout on thursday but I was pretty stiff on saturday...less so sunday and I'm almost normal today. It's beena a while since I've had that kinda muscle ache...it was good to know I'd done something. I had a nice visit with Dad and the party on saturday was a blast. The sculptures I built with J for the event (OK he built them and I helped- they were his brain child) looked great. The music was funky and I danced enough in the wee hours after Dad went to bed to have 17000 steps logged even on sunday when I mostly just made bread and hung out with Dad before taking him to the airport. I couldn't get a good feed of the Oscars last night so I just nibbled on bread and watched a movie - J is still away until late tomorrow night. I miss him.
A friend gave me some sourdough starter on saturday and I made my first loaf ever of sourdough yesterday. It needs tweaking and sourdough without yeast added isn't as puffy as regular bread but it's tasty. Sourdough rye with caraway seeds. MMMmmmmm. I got two small loaves out of it and had some of it toasted with honey for breakfast...yum. I love rye bread and caraway and honey. Nom. I'll try and keep the starter alive for a while and experiment with sourdough crackers and some other sourdough recipes. I think there are lots of other things to try. The microbiologist in me cringes and is fascinated at the same time watching the starter grow...but the results are so tasty :). I've read fermented foods are supposed to help your gut but I don't really know if sourdough would apply, since you bake it and kill all the critters before you eat them. Still not sure if maintaining the sourdough is worth the effort, but I'll try it for a while.
This morning it was chilly (-23 plus a brisk wind) so I didn't walk to work (boo). Instead I did my physio and 20 minutes on my bike before work. I'm heading to my brothers for supper so no walk home...but if it's still this cold after work I won't miss it too much. It is supposed to warm up the rest of the week so hopefully I'll get more walks in this week. Tomorrow I plan to do a leg workout after work at the gym with a run (or before work depending if I can drag my ass out of bed in time for the 6 am bus). We shall see.
I've been working to keep busy so I don't miss my J too much. But I do. He's had a great time on tour and is on the long 2 day drive back through the mountains from BC starting today so I'll see him soon.
Not soon enough ...
I thought I dodged the stiffness bullet from my big workout on thursday but I was pretty stiff on saturday...less so sunday and I'm almost normal today. It's beena a while since I've had that kinda muscle ache...it was good to know I'd done something. I had a nice visit with Dad and the party on saturday was a blast. The sculptures I built with J for the event (OK he built them and I helped- they were his brain child) looked great. The music was funky and I danced enough in the wee hours after Dad went to bed to have 17000 steps logged even on sunday when I mostly just made bread and hung out with Dad before taking him to the airport. I couldn't get a good feed of the Oscars last night so I just nibbled on bread and watched a movie - J is still away until late tomorrow night. I miss him.
A friend gave me some sourdough starter on saturday and I made my first loaf ever of sourdough yesterday. It needs tweaking and sourdough without yeast added isn't as puffy as regular bread but it's tasty. Sourdough rye with caraway seeds. MMMmmmmm. I got two small loaves out of it and had some of it toasted with honey for breakfast...yum. I love rye bread and caraway and honey. Nom. I'll try and keep the starter alive for a while and experiment with sourdough crackers and some other sourdough recipes. I think there are lots of other things to try. The microbiologist in me cringes and is fascinated at the same time watching the starter grow...but the results are so tasty :). I've read fermented foods are supposed to help your gut but I don't really know if sourdough would apply, since you bake it and kill all the critters before you eat them. Still not sure if maintaining the sourdough is worth the effort, but I'll try it for a while.
This morning it was chilly (-23 plus a brisk wind) so I didn't walk to work (boo). Instead I did my physio and 20 minutes on my bike before work. I'm heading to my brothers for supper so no walk home...but if it's still this cold after work I won't miss it too much. It is supposed to warm up the rest of the week so hopefully I'll get more walks in this week. Tomorrow I plan to do a leg workout after work at the gym with a run (or before work depending if I can drag my ass out of bed in time for the 6 am bus). We shall see.
I've been working to keep busy so I don't miss my J too much. But I do. He's had a great time on tour and is on the long 2 day drive back through the mountains from BC starting today so I'll see him soon.
Not soon enough ...
Jello Legs
I'm taking advantage of J being away this week and using my free evenings to eat a bunch of foods he hates (hello fish and beets and sweet potatoes!!!) as well as do a bunch of errands and things I've been meaning to get to for a while but would rather spend the evening with him than do. Besides running errands for me and for work this includes trying out going back to the gym on campus where I work and using the treadmill for a run after work. It's been nice enough to walk to work lately but it is stupidly icy and I have no desire to break an ankle or something like that trying to run outside and I want to SWEAT a bit. I'm thinking I'm gonna make it a tuesday and thursday thing, either in the morning or after work. It was glorious. I did some solid lower body work and then got my sweat on.
First I did 2 X 15 of:
One legged bulgarian lunges (each side)
Sumo squats (10 Lb)
Box step up forward (both sides)
Box step up to the side (both sides)
Deadlifts (25 Lb)
Then 2 X 20 of:
Inner leg lift (both sides)
Outer leg lift (both sides)
Kneeling back kick butt lift (both sides)
Scissor kicks
Then I (yay!) hopped on the treadmill for a starter run. I ran 2.5 minutes and walked 2.5 minutes for 28 minutes. I had a hot bath before bed so I'm not too stiff today. It felt so good to get my heart rate up and sweat again. I forgot how much I missed it. My legs were feeling jiggly by the end of it all.
This morning I did my upper body physio and walked to work and I feel amazing. It's gonna be a great weekend. I get to babysit for little Xander tonight so Heather and her hubbie can go out on a much needed date. Yay for baby cuddles :) And my dad is coming to visit before his flight down to Arizona for a month stay and there's a big techno warehouse party on saturday so it's gonna be a fun filled weekend.
Hope you all have a fabulous weekend. I plan to :)
First I did 2 X 15 of:
One legged bulgarian lunges (each side)
Sumo squats (10 Lb)
Box step up forward (both sides)
Box step up to the side (both sides)
Deadlifts (25 Lb)
Then 2 X 20 of:
Inner leg lift (both sides)
Outer leg lift (both sides)
Kneeling back kick butt lift (both sides)
Scissor kicks
Then I (yay!) hopped on the treadmill for a starter run. I ran 2.5 minutes and walked 2.5 minutes for 28 minutes. I had a hot bath before bed so I'm not too stiff today. It felt so good to get my heart rate up and sweat again. I forgot how much I missed it. My legs were feeling jiggly by the end of it all.
This morning I did my upper body physio and walked to work and I feel amazing. It's gonna be a great weekend. I get to babysit for little Xander tonight so Heather and her hubbie can go out on a much needed date. Yay for baby cuddles :) And my dad is coming to visit before his flight down to Arizona for a month stay and there's a big techno warehouse party on saturday so it's gonna be a fun filled weekend.
Hope you all have a fabulous weekend. I plan to :)
It's good to have goals
Why?
Well, last night I was reminded again at the ridiculous speed at which I eat. I spent an hour making some insanely delicious thai carrot burgers and asian slaw and then just inhaled it. Earlier that day I had made french toast...and also I inhaled it. It was delicious, yes, and I had left making food until I was almost ravenous (bad bad), but did I really enjoy it? How much did I really taste it? It was delicious, but I was done my meal about 1/3 of the way through J being done his. We weren't in a hurry or going anywhere. I had a mug of tea to leisurely drink after...so why the rush?
My fast eating has been a reason why I always need to watch my portion control because my "full" switch only flips about 20 minutes after I'm done eating...and I eat fast, so I can really pack it in when I want to. Sometimes, when I'm just cooking for myself I'll steam a massive pile of veggies and just let loose on them. I figure it's better than eating a lot of other things...but my relationship with food is weird. I still have to watch myself. I am, in a way, jealous of people for whom food is only fuel. Yes, they miss out on so much of the enjoyment I get from cooking elaborate meals and or enjoying decadent and delicious things...but if I'm going to inhale them like a hoover I'm not doing myself any favors at all. If I truly enjoy food as much as I do I need to take a step back and really enjoy it. I make a point to eat healthy...but I need to respect the fuel my body is taking in. Meals are rare where I need to eat quickly and get back to things.
Patience paduan.
And so that's my plan for the next while - mindful eating. Enjoying what I eat. This morning I had cottage cheese and peaches and savoured every yummy bite. I made some chai tea with honey and a slice of fresh ginger and sipped it slowly on my walk to work.
It's the little things that make you smile. Especially when they're delicious...
Have a good day y'all.
busy
Ah. I had a great weekend visiting Dad. The weather was foul and cold so there was a lot of eating, visiting and drinking wine. Relaxing...not too good for my butt, but great for everything else. Dad really appreciated the visit so I'm glad I went. When I got home I made a heart shaped pizza. MMmmm.
This week has been busy busy for both me and J. Last night I was called into work at 3 am for something so I'm relying on coffee to get through...another hours and I can go home and relax. J is busy all week and away on the weekend. I'm just gonna work hard to get through to the weekend and veg out at home with a good book.
I am trying to be healthier and walk to work this week. So far so good.
Gotta go adult for a bit. Back later...
This week has been busy busy for both me and J. Last night I was called into work at 3 am for something so I'm relying on coffee to get through...another hours and I can go home and relax. J is busy all week and away on the weekend. I'm just gonna work hard to get through to the weekend and veg out at home with a good book.
I am trying to be healthier and walk to work this week. So far so good.
Gotta go adult for a bit. Back later...
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