I had a great weekend. Rejuvenating and cathartic.
J is building structures for the summer for outdoors out of pipe and built one in our living room as a proof of concept and we ended up keeping it for the weekend and turning it into a blanket fort. SO much fun. We filled it with pillows and spent the weekend in it reading and relaxing and drinking wine. The cats assumed we built it just for them and have been living in there non-stop since we put it up. I think they'll be sad when we tear it down this week.
Lately I've been good health-wise physically, but mentally it's been tough. Not sadness so much as detachment. I have found myself distracted and less than enthusiastic about work and trying not to worry too much about my upcoming surgery. It's a minor one in comparison, but it's just one more thing to go through before I'm done. Another reminder of what I've been through. Am still going through. J and I talked a lot...(what would I do without that man? I just don't know) Sometime you just need to let out your stress and worry so you can get back to being normal again. Living daily with the thought of possible reoccurrence in the back of your head is a very difficult thing. You worry...but yet there is nothing you can do about it so you have to try and shut it off and focus on the positive things...but then sometimes other things get dulled as well and it impacts your daily life. It's always there, poking at you when you least expect it. It's one of the reasons why I've been enjoying more physical exercise because it's a physical meditation where I can focus on music because when I often quiet my mind this comes to the front of it...and sometimes I'm just damn tired of it all. I hadn't realized just how much it was getting to me until this weekend. Nothing has changed per se, but just talking about it...allowing myself to feel it and address the feelings helped me get a bit of my soul back from the worry monster and feel better.
It also helped that I have some new duds to wear so I feel more confident. I haven't really bought any new clothes since before I got sick since I keep changing sizes but I'm close to settling in to my "regular" size again. This weekend My bestie and I went to a local clothes swap and it was great...not only did we get to go out for brunch and visit first but I got rid of some things I no longer wear and came home with a seriously amazing stash of new clothes. I have about 8 pairs of pants (skinny jeans and cords and a few capris) and some nice shirts for work. I also grabbed a nice pair of boots like ones I've been trying to find for a while and a pair of ski pants that fit me (my old pair are from my bigger days and are HUGE so this is pretty damn cool). I even found a floor length black dress that fits me perfectly...so now I need to go out somewhere swanky where I can wear it. :) All told I probably brought home about $700 of clothes for free...I love community clothes swaps. I've been to a few now and it's a great way to have clothes re-purposed and do it on a budget. My bestie is in the midst of losing baby fat so for her it was a great way to get some clothes for her to transition into and not pay an arm and a leg for new non-maternity clothes. I was feeling frumpy and I have some really nice fitting stylish pants now...all those squats I've been doing are starting to pay off. I'm feeling very happy with how I look in the new pants which is a huge boost. I often don't take the time to look after myself...this weekend was a reminder to do this more. I don't know about you but I find when I dress up a bit in clothes I feel good in I generally have a better day.
We finished off the evening with BBQ burgers and watching the new Pee-Wee Herman movie on Netflix. I giggled like a little kid...it was great. If you liked the original move years ago then definitely watch it. I went to bed with a smile on my face.