Got to admit its getting better...

Hi there.

Still hanging in there. things are better. As life does it's folding and mushing about to bring back the good things and we are slowly dealing with what is needed to be dealt with. I finally got a workout this morning and I'm glad for that. Better late than never.
 Just keep swimming...

Dad was here to visit. J got out with friends to a christmas party for the radio station he does a show at and I stayed home and played dominoes with Dad and it was nice. What we both needed I think. And Dad out of the blue sweetly offered to help me out -I've put off having fat grafting done on my reconstructed breast because of the cost. I can't justify ~$3000 for something I don't really need, primarily for my own vanity. Especially since it might take 2 grafting sessions to make it look better...and to do one and not be able to afford 2 would be worse than none at all for me so I've just left it. Last night Dad offered to pay for at least one of the sessions. I don't think he knows how much that means to me. I don't think I knew what it would mean to me until then either....I thanked him. Later I cried with happiness when I was by myself. It's gotta win the prize for the weirdest christmas gift ever huh? Suffice it to say that I am so grateful. SO grateful... :)

I have a second full day of computer training that I need to get off to so I should head out. I've been waiting on Sharepoint training for about 2 years now and I'm looking forward to it. It's dry as hell, but there's coffee and it gets me away from the lab for a day or so.

I hope you're all having a decent week. I'm starting to. Just keeping warm and trudging on.
Here's a picture of my cat that makes me smile. It's my desktop at the moment...

Widjette says happy holidays

Bah humbug

This week sucks. I'm still trying to deal with my friend's death and now my husband is having a real bad time with his depression right now and I have to say - stop the world I want to get off.
Watching someone you love fall apart to pieces is heartbreaking. He's agreed to try and get help finally which is good, but that has yet to happen and from what I can tell it's probably gonna be a sucky holiday season for me stuck with someone wallowing in depression. What he's dealing with is something I can do nothing about and can't help how other people act towards him to have caused this in the first place. He has lucid moments where I know he's OK sometimes and it's encouraging but it's gonna be a long month....
I came into work because I had 2 hugely important meetings and managed to do well...and when I'm here I can try and be normal and it's helping me stay sane...but eventually I have to go home to all that. I admit to losing my shit at some point as well out of sheer frustration this morning and I just don't want to deal with this right now.  Especially knowing this is all due to the coldheartedness of others that I thought were our friends. I can't talk to them about it out of respect for J's wishes.
 I was supposed to go over to my brother's and plan christmas after work and although I need to I don't feel like I should, but on the other hand I don't want to go home and listen this and have to jump into it all again. It's not something I can help with and I'm exhausted and angry and I just want to have a nice holiday season for once. I hate this. If you deal with depression you have my ultimate sympathies. Especially in the dark of winter. It's a horrible horrible thing and it sucks the joy from your life. Watching someone you love deal with it is awful.

I didn't workout today or yesterday because of dealing with all this and I got about 3 hours of sleep so who knows what will happen tonight. Tomorrow my Dad is coming to stay for a day and god knows what will happen then. I'm not even going to think about it. For now I just need to get through today.

WIsh me luck. I need it.

kick to the stomach

I'm seeing a holiday trend here. This weekend was busy busy fun fun and not workouts. I was gonna take just saturday off but sunday was a bust for me as well. Last night was go to bed early and sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeep because I had very little all weekend. 2 big shindigs with friends that went very very late. Lots of fun with friends but little sleep. I needed every minute last night o I will be working out when I get home because I just could not get out of bed at 530 this morning.

To be honest, I kinda over did it this weekend because friday afternoon I learned that a high school friend of mine who I literally just talked to on tuesday died very suddenly on wednesday. It's weird and bizarre and awful and I can't quite process it yet. Rachel was waiting for a kidney transplant but must have been sicker than she let on...but she didn't die from that - she died of a ruptured bowel...such a horrible thing. She was literally one of the kindest and sweetest people I've known - the kind of person who keeps others connected and it seems terribly unfair that after all her work to maintain and go through dialysis while waiting fro a kidney that something else totally random would do her in...and so suddenly. She didn't want a memorial, so those of us who want to remember her are going to gather for our own wake in a few weeks once the holidays are over to remember her. She always had a kind word for everyone and we'd nerd out at comic expo together and send each other goofy notes and messages all the time. The last note I have from her on tuesday (the day before...) was teasing me about eggnog gelato. She's holding it and taunting me with it....how can you be joking about gelato and be dead the next day? It's just....surreal. And sad. But... life goes on...somehow I am here and she isn't. How weird is that?
People - tell the people you love how you feel and NEVER take the chance that you may miss out on letting them know how much they mean to you. You really never know when this sort of thing might happen.

So...I'll try and be better and not bury my sadness in food or drink. I'm just gonna keep working out in the mornings and try and keep the food in check and roll on through the holidays. The trick is all the work lunch meetings I'm having at really nice places with amazing food. I have to really start not eating a lot because I'm sabotaging all my hard work. But I will keep at it.

Every day is a gift. :)

I've got leg muscles

My leg muscles feel neat...you know that feeling when you didn't really have muscles before but then you kinda do and then you can feel them when you walk and you're not just stiff you're able to feel them move around and you feel all strong and amazon and awesome? I'm starting to get that feeling. I still jiggle, but I'm defintiely getting stronger and with the Week 3 workout I'm feeling my butt and upper leg strength developing. It's cool. I missed it. I'm so proud of myself for getting back to things again.

Must dash - just wanted to log my workout. I did week 3 again this AM and had a yummy oatmeal with an egg and half a banana mixed in and now I'm off to science land. I have to calibrate a bunch of fiddley things so I should get to it. See ya later :)

Workout#3!!!

Holy crapcans. Talk about a level up. This is definitely a tough one. Especially those switch lunges...I can't do even 1/4 of them yet and mostly just did moving lunges without the jumps instead...whew. My pushups are pretty much all on the knees too - but I'm doing it. All of it. Boom. Something new to do finally. This will carry me almost up to christmas. With all the festival meals and such I'm invited to over the next while I definitely need this :)

Last night I hung out and made a TONNE of chocolates with my friends.

just a few heheh

Nut ones. Mint ones. Skor bit ones. Belgian and regular chocolates. Nerd ones (Han Solo in carbonite, robots, stormtroopers along with santas, bows and trees). So - yeah. I have many now to give out to my staff and family (and myself ahem). It was a tonne of fun and great to catch up with my friends.

May I recommend the stormtrooper mint crunchies? :P

We're gonna make it an annual thing...more fun than gingerbread houses...and more edible. L's mom used to do it often so she has all her mom's molds and a wealth of knowledge about how to make them.  :)

Must dash - gotta go get some work done - busy day! I just wanted to log my workout.

Last one!

Last day of  workout 2 this morning! Yay! Still to damn cold to walk to work! Boo!
Ah well...such is winter. I will take the bus and deal with it...still no snow tho. It's weird.
I had some pizza for supper last night which wasn't the best, but it was grocery day and by the time we got all our food and put it all away I didn't feel like making anything so frozen pizza to the rescue. Butter chicken pizza....seriously good. I know I know I should try and eat better...

Today my old boss is taking me out for lunch with the old crew for christmas to the University Club - should be fancy shmancy. I even sorta dressed up a bit for it. Ooh lala! It's gonna be a good day. Tonight I'm getting together with my pals H and L to make some chocolates and watch christmas movies and visit. I have chocolate robot molds and L has stormtrooper and christmas ones. It's gonna be AWESOME. We don't get to see each other much so it's gonna be neat being able to hang out for a bit before holidays. I can give them the star wars themed soaps I found them for christmas gifts. :)

Also, on the local buy and sell facebook page I found a lady who is gonna sell me her basically new bright yellow winter jacket for $100. I'm super pumped about it...my current jacket is almost 5 years old and wearing through in spots - it's been washed so often that it's not very warm anymore. And bright yellow? Boom. I'm going to pick it up after work today - hopefully I don't get mugged or anything. I'm always suspicious meeting people for stuff online - but H will be with me so hopefully all will go well and I can get a decent coat for winter at a price I can afford. Crossing my fingers it fits. It's a ladies medium so I don't see why it wouldn't...

Anyways -I should go. We're moving and calibrating some lab equipment today and I should get to it. Have a great day everyone :) 

Tuesday Dec. 6

Yup - I was up this morning again and did the workout. I didn't sleep in even tho I wanted to so very much. Just once more day of #2 and I can  move on to #3. Hallefrickenluyah. Altho - I'm just getting to the point where I can do it all now with no rest...so I suppose that means it's time to move onto the next level. It was too cold this morning to walk to work (-30 with the windchill) and I missed my walk but that's just too damn cold to be out for 45 minutes...less wind and I might consider it maybe, but I have no desire to walk in 35 Kph winds. No thank you.

Last night I watched an old favorite movie - So I Married an Axe Murderer. Still makes me laugh...My J looked so much like Mike Myers in that movie when we met. Yep...adorable.

BUT -I must dash. Much to do. Tonight is grocery night so we'll be stocking up on healthy foods and baking materials. AND we're supposed to get snow today finally. It's been the brownest holiday month in decades this year...the cold came but without the snow it's just not right.

It's beginning to look a lot like christmas

Well this weekend I had a lot of fun with friends (and not much sleep!!) and still managed to get my Christmas tree up. I didn't work out on the weekend because I was so busy, but I had a good time. It was J's grandma's Christmas family lunch on sunday so I got my fix of cabbage rolls and other goodness, but it's back to healthy today again. I slept in this AM since I got so little sleep on saturday night and hope to workout tonight when I get home. I did walk in to work so I have some exercise going on...life so rarely offers me a bounty of fun with friends so I take it whenever it's offered. I'll be back to it all tomorrow morning again. Soo I can move on to workout #3...That'll be fun.

I am curious to see how the cats deal with the tree - last year we only put up a 2 foot tree and they didn't bug it too much. They were very uninterested compared to our old pair. So far they seem interested in sleeping on the cover I put at the base of the tree so I hope that's all they get up to. We bought a flickery white light to shine on the house and I have 3 penguin lights out by the front step taht I got last year so I'm pumped - I feel like Christmas is here finally. Sunday was a lazy day with an old friend popping by out of the blue on his way through so it was great to just hang out and have company while I christmasized the house. I just have the clock to decorate and I think I've got it covered. I even have lights at my desk at work and a little 1 foot tree up on my filing cabinet.

I love Christmas :)

Friday at last

Quick post - gotta run. Did my workout. It's friday. About time.

sushi baby

I went out with friends after work for all you can eat sushi. Oh yes. It's a thing. A delicious thing. I didn't go mad, but I did absolutely eat a lot of sushi. I also had a beer, so that's definitely my cheat for the week. I love sushi and it was good to get out and laugh with friends. We went to a book opening after and then got home to tuck myself in for another day.

Did the workout 2 again this morning. I will keep at this - Operation Uberfrau :)