This week sucks. I'm still trying to deal with my friend's death and now my husband is having a real bad time with his depression right now and I have to say - stop the world I want to get off.
Watching someone you love fall apart to pieces is heartbreaking. He's agreed to try and get help finally which is good, but that has yet to happen and from what I can tell it's probably gonna be a sucky holiday season for me stuck with someone wallowing in depression. What he's dealing with is something I can do nothing about and can't help how other people act towards him to have caused this in the first place. He has lucid moments where I know he's OK sometimes and it's encouraging but it's gonna be a long month....
I came into work because I had 2 hugely important meetings and managed to do well...and when I'm here I can try and be normal and it's helping me stay sane...but eventually I have to go home to all that. I admit to losing my shit at some point as well out of sheer frustration this morning and I just don't want to deal with this right now. Especially knowing this is all due to the coldheartedness of others that I thought were our friends. I can't talk to them about it out of respect for J's wishes.
I was supposed to go over to my brother's and plan christmas after work and although I need to I don't feel like I should, but on the other hand I don't want to go home and listen this and have to jump into it all again. It's not something I can help with and I'm exhausted and angry and I just want to have a nice holiday season for once. I hate this. If you deal with depression you have my ultimate sympathies. Especially in the dark of winter. It's a horrible horrible thing and it sucks the joy from your life. Watching someone you love deal with it is awful.
I didn't workout today or yesterday because of dealing with all this and I got about 3 hours of sleep so who knows what will happen tonight. Tomorrow my Dad is coming to stay for a day and god knows what will happen then. I'm not even going to think about it. For now I just need to get through today.
WIsh me luck. I need it.