Thursday, December 17, 2009

On the first day of christmas my true love gave to me...a beer, in a tree

Yesterday was nice. I got to visit with Mum and Dad. Mum napped while I made supper so I got to visit with Dad...then visit with both of them. She is slower...and she coughs a lot now. I think it is medication related. I feel so bad for her...there's nothing like watching someone in a 5 minute fit of intermittent coughing (after she eats)...coughing so hard she nearly is ill. She's OK...and sort of embarrassed about it all...and feels bad during it...so I don't want to make a big deal of it so she feels worse. But there's nothing I can do. And I don't want to focus on it...she's so shy she'd feel worse. She is seeing someone about it next week. Hopefully they help her out.
It's so hard to watch. It was one thing to talk with Dad and get the honest level on how she's really doing...he warned me about the coughing spells...but then after supper she started coughing for a bit.
Awful.
The worst was when I saw her lip quiver in the middle of it when she thought I wasn't looking. She looked scared and sad all at the same time. I wanted to just hug her and say she'd be OK. But I can't. I don't know that.
Apparently ACE inhibitors (heart failure meds) can cause coughing, so I'm hoping if maybe she takes them at different times in stead of after food she won't cough so much after meals...It would be hard to eat and keep your strength up when you cough and are nauseous together. Yuck. Parrt of me wants to call up her doctor and yell at him...but I know he's not a jerk. He's not ignoring Mom's symptoms. Maybe it's how it is now. I just want the gorey details. The real details. Not knowing all the nitty gritty is worse.

Don't get me wrong...it's not so horrible. It's just hard to see. Mum did everything for us. She was a nurse who cared for everyone...but now she has to take it easy cause her body is not able to keep up anymore. I'm so very very glad to see her. I got to sew with her last night - she helped me make and sew on some bows to some christmas stockings and it was nice to see just my Mum for a bit... it was stuff we used to do together and stuff she could do no problem...she was like her old self for a bit. It was nice. I hope it cheered her up...
I heart my Mum.
I really do.

I slept in a bit this morning and didn't work out. Yesterday was very long and I was tired...and I wanted to be as awake and level as I could today while they are here. We're going out for supper tonight with my brother and his wife...I hope it's OK. Sometimes I find his wife hard to take...and I hope Mum won't cough too much in the restaurant and feel bad. I know she wants us to act like it's not happening while it is, but how do you carry on a conversation and act normal when your tiny little Mum is coughing so hard she's nearly ill? It'll be weird.

I'm glad I have tomorrow off to visit with them.

2 comments:

Charlotte said...

It is so hard to take the shift from being taken care of to doing the caretaking - esp. when it is someone as close to your heart as your mother. I'm so glad you got to sew with her. Sounds like exactly what you both needed:)

Crabby McSlacker said...

That must be such an awful powerless feeling to see her struggling so much with the coughing.

Hope the doctors can help!

Glad you got to spend some nice time with her, and hope she's feeling much better soon.