Last night it occurred to me, that despite all my best efforts of thinking about rehearsing and dancing and practicing at home, I have, in essence practiced less than 5 hours total for this recital, not counting the group rehearsals twice a week. That is really sad...and so last night I panicked, realising that the recital is on valentines day...and that, my lovelies, is almost 1 small month away.
That's not a lot of days people
So last night my brain kicked in - I was on a mission...I went on iTunes, spent some of my birthday $$ and got the tunes I'll be dancing to, along with a Djinn album to practice other moves to. I was almost distracted by download errors from the iTunes store but I managed to just walk away after I'd gotten the songs I needed and put them on my iPod (I'll figure the rest out later).
Then J and I morphed our rec room in to a studio for me. Sounds impressive, but we really just took an old 3 X 3 mirror from an old reno and propped it up on some chairs so I could see myself do moves and then he left me be for 2 hours while I bumbled my way through the 2 group routines over and over again...trying to remember everything I'd forgotten over the holiday and get things going in my head again. I have the routines printed out and I tried to follow them when I lost track. I didn't give up...just did it over and over...restarting and redoing, trying to get the basic order down. Once I get that, I can work on refining the moves. I even went through my solo a few times...and remembered why I liked the song so much...but I panicked, as I still feel very leery - I do not even know the whole routineyet.
I am determined...instead of whimpering and simpering and giving up I'm going to see just how kickass I can do these routines by the end of January. If the solo is still substandard, I'll cancel it and do the 2 group pieces, but I am now getting past the "oh when I practice I feel bad as I can't do it perfectly" roadblock in my head. And I figured this out...
Practise is practise.
It's hard work.
It's what you do when you don't know how to do something right.
It is also what makes you not look like a panicked deer caught in the headlights when you perform...makes you not look like someone who didn't practice, expecting themselves to be a natural perfect dancer "just because" without the hard work.
So I'm going to try harder. I'm wishing this had sunk in last month, but I'll take what I have and go with it now.
And so - from this point on:
I am Zahira.
Hear me jiggle...:)