Tuesday, July 8, 2008

A moment of clarity - thoughts in my head

Hmmm...a friend asked me if anything stuck out in my head as to a time or event the made me realise I needed to be more healthy.
A memory I'd forgotten popped into my mind:
Years ago, J and I had been lured out on a long mellow bike ride with friends, and I just couldn't keep up with them. I was way behind, constantly huffing and puffing and when we reached where we were going I honestly felt hot and dizzy and a bit sick. I felt like the fat kid at camp who could never keep up. The thing is, we weren't going that far or that fast. True, my friends were bike nuts and biked everywhere, but honestly...it should not have been that hard. They were keeping a slow pace for me as I didn't bike much at all at the time. I did not enjoy the ride.

It was crushing for me. I blinked back tears that I don't think anyone noticed as I pedalled furiously, feeling awful about myself. It was the proof I had been ignoring that I was doing NOTHING active...and hadn't been for a very long time. It forced me to realise that I needed to do more. That I couldn't do the things I wanted to in life. That doing *anything* would be better than nothing. My body felt like a prison. I'd felt fat before, but never like this. It was different. I felt unwell doing normal things.

THAT was the time I realised that I didn't want to be thin, I wanted to be able to live the life I wanted to live.
And that was when it all started to come together. It changed it from a negative attitude about food and weight to a positive change and I think it is what has made it stick for me over time. I went for walks in the morning. I started to do my exercise DVD. I tried to eat better. Bit by bit I felt better and fitter...and then there was no turning back. I realised that all good things take work, but that they are worth it. I was becoming hooked on being me. I was discovering I enjoyed things I never imagined I would, like running.

Once I knew how it felt to feel good and healthy, I was hooked.
On life.

1 comment:

MizFit said...

I wanted to be able to live the life I wanted to live.
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for me it was the same thing and the life that I felt I was supposed to live.

the unwell doing normal things is such a perfect way to phrase it...the same sense as disease being, well, DIS EASE.


lack of ease.

M.