The other day when a doctor at work asked me if I was considering doing my PhD after I finished grad school I emphatically replied "Oh dear god no!". It was at that point I reaffirmed to myself that yes, while this MSc thing is swell, well, the swelling is subsiding. I was a little too enthusiastic in my response.
Well...I'm ragged. To quote Bilbo Baggins "I feel tired. Spread thin like butter over too much bread."
Yesterday a good friend I work with, with whom I share a nerdy love of sci-fi and who treats me like daughter, took me aside to make sure I was OK. He firmly instructed me to try and take some time off after I hand in my last paper and (this shocked me) make sure I eat. I do eat. I'm guessing I'm not looking so healthy, despite all the compliments I've been getting lately. And yes...I eat healthy and well, but there is no snacking...there is no time. I am here at work, often from the 6:30 AM I arrive to workout until I hop on a 10 PM bus home. I'm in the best shape of my life exercise wise, but energy wise? Well, I just want a nap.
It suck-diddly-ucks Flanders.
Yes once I hand in this last paper my academic portion of my MSc will be done and things will lighten up somewhat...and I can't wait. I realised yesterday when a coworker was complaining about how stressed out they were by their life (they're single, with no real issues and work part-time and have been getting full time hours lately. Oh no! The stress! (...can you feel my dripping sarcasm?)). It took all I had while listening to not say "Buddy - you have NO IDEA what stress is. Shut up and deal - suck it up."
Truth is there are times lately when I'd like to just wig out...fall apart and cry out my stress and let J hold me until I feel better...but there's just no time. He knows how I feel and I get ninja sneak attack hug therapy , but I'm still not liking this ball of stress making a nest in my gut. And I don't like belittling other people's problems by comparing them to mine, regardless of whether it's somewhat justifiable.
I just don't like being the kind of person who thinks like that.
I can't wait to finish this paper.
Just 2 more looong days...
Don't get me wrong - it's not all evil. Yesterday after work I got to go get a haircut and colour and I feel very pretty. I picked up some amazing smoked cherizo sausage tortellini and we had that with some warmed foccatia garlic bread and a glass of wine for supper and relaxed with J and watched a whole (new!) episode of Futurama before I went back to work on my paper...
But it's not enough...I want *more*
I crave my life.