Tuesday, October 19, 2010

When to stop

This morning I went for a swim and it was good. I slept funny last night so I have a kink in my neck so I skipped the backstroke, but it was nice for the rest of it. With the time change again I got 2 extra hours of sleep. Glorious.

While in Toronto I made the mistake of stepping on the doctor's scale they had in the weight room. So, I have learned that my home scale is about 7 pounds lower than ultimate free weighted reality. I sort of knew that, because my weight at doctor appointments is always a bit higher than my scale, but it never really bugged me before. Now I can't stop thinking about it. For some reason, the more I think about this, the more irritated I am. I honestly try and not focus on numbers, but lately, since I've been working out again and watching what I eat I've lost about 8 lbs. It's given me a fire under my butt to keep at it and try and lose the last few more. I was thinking of trying to get down from 127ish where I am now to 120 and calling it quits and try and maintain that level...but now I'm thinking in the back of my head "120 on *my* scale or *that* scale?" Stupid I know.

I feel, for the first time in years of plateauing, that I just might get rid of the last 10 lbs or so that have jiggled around on my butt for a few years. And the thing is I'm OK with myself now...just the thought of having a relatively jiggle free butt has me so curious. The change in shape of my posterior in the last month has been...well...cool. Because I've never been that way. Ever. Hell, I weigh less than I have since high school now, and it bugs me that simply stepping on that scale has me all focused on numbers again. How can it be so simple to bring yourself down after accomplishing so much?

On the flip side, one of the good friends I visited this weekend is taking her health into her own hands- eating healthy, exercising and seeing someone to help her change her life, not just diet. She looks great and is so encouraged and excited to be doing something about her health and weight and the changes she has already made. It was so cool to see her happy about it and see her so positive about herself. I want to feel like that, without being all crazy about it. Talking to her has *me* all encouraged again to focus on healthiness and fitness. I'll never be a peak performance athlete-my knee is wonky and I like food too much.
But can I have a great butt? I feel like I'd be cheating myself if I didn't at least give it a try...

There has to be a happy medium.

Preferably one where I have arms like Linda Hamilton in T2 :)

1 comment:

Charlotte said...

Oh girrrrlll do I feel your angst. Seriously. I have no advice for you but if it makes you feel any better, know you're not alone in your "which scale" neuroses...