Even Steven

I find myself to be pretty even keeled. On the level and all those sorts of cliches.
It takes a lot for me to get stressed out & angry, & usually I'm only tipped over the edge by lack of sleep or good old PMS. Reading a few posts on the webosphere has made me realise just how much of a big deal we make out of things for ourselves...and that *noone else cares about them but us*.
For example: Thinking people are judging us. At the gym. In the store. On the street. Oh sure there is always some jackass who needs to put others down to feel good, but I used to think people were looking at me because I looked different. That I was the *big* girl. Now I've realised that probably noone noticed I was there :) Noone was obsessing like I was. Noone really cared but me. I've lost a lot of that, but I still get nervous in big social groups...

My husband? He is a worrier. Big time. I see him get all worked up about things and think "wow...so much energy you could spend on something else...". I try and remember that when I get all agitated about things that aren't real...

I got a compliment today on a new shirt I bought - it's fitted and bright colours, not what I'd usually wear (pink and yellow) but it looks good. J made the "are you sure? look" when I took it out of the bag, but when I put it on he admitted it's good. I took the compliment at work like the awkward bumbler I can be (still haven't learned to just smile and say "thanks!") ...I have to mutter on about things a bit. This whole social interaction thing with women always confuses me a bit- a leftover of the worrisome past. Men are so much easier to talk to than women...seems like there's less issues going on that make no sense to me. ANYways - I wore the shirt and felt good in it...confident. Thin. If I feel uncomfortable in things I don't like the fit of or think look bad I fidget, pull on things and generally keep to myself...and STILL...noone is looking :)
I have no idea how to pull this together to say what I want to say other than to tell you all you are beautiful, and that noone is watching you so do whatever you think is right. Do it for you!


This morning I slept in as mr tossy turney nosleep guy kept me up most of the night, so I tried to grab what sleep I could after he left for work. I did ride my bike to work and have eaten well. I've got stiff muscles from my workout yesterday so I know I did good :) It's a busy long day so I haven't had TIME to be sidetracked by food. My break is over now and a few more hours and I can go home and make something yummy. Yay.