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down from the ridge on a snow packed ascent |
Hello.
It's been a while, but I'm doing well. Really. It was up and down but I had some really good times with myself and feel like I'm in a good place at the moment.
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Akamina Ridge, Waterton National Park |
The hiking trip was wonderful - I hiked up 1000m to the Akamida Ridge and had 2 great hikes with my friends. I can still do what I love. I was full of joy to be able to do this again. To be healthy again. It went OK having J there and the weekend was overall a good thing. Had some great visits around the campfire with old friends. After that J was gone for a few weeks working so I had time to myself to organize and think and get at peace with myself. This past weekend was Astral Harvest Music Festival and although I would have liked to camp with my friends that I usually do camp with our van was stuck in a muddy area so we were separate, but still ended up having some good times with new people despite that. It was a different experience, but overall a good one. I spent time with good people and J and I had a real heart to heart talk at one point where I was able to really pour out my feelings and feel like I was heard. He really heard my hurt and what really was bothering me and I told him what I had been thinking and I have started to put together what I would like to do moving forward to make things better for us and myself.
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lunch view from on top of the world |
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highest point of the hike |
With my counselor and a few books help (like the great book
Fuck Feelings - I'd highly recommend it) I've started to look at what I will accept and what I will not in my relationship and life and although there are some things I need to address in myself, there are a lot of things I need to do in my relationship to delineate what I need and want and will accept. Over the past few weeks I have visited and talked with a few very close friends and vented and learned that yes I am taking too much sometimes and no I shouldn't anymore - that there is no reason for me to accept unacceptable behavior or words from anyone -even my husband. I confirmed that I need to be strong and stand up for myself, if only by walking away or being willing to take a stand about what I feel is acceptable or not to work to make things better. Most importantly that I cannot and should not try to fix problems in other people that I have no control over. There are ways I can work to get J to help more in the house. I can say no to things and still be a good person. It's going to be a challenge, but together we are going to try to see what we can do to repair things and I hope that this will begin something new and positive. I am looking after myself instead of putting everyone else first instead...it's odd and slightly guilt making, but a good way to move forward I think. We shall see how it goes.
For now - it's back to work for a few weeks before a big holiday away in BC and Oregon.
Life's a tricky thing. We must embrace it and live it and cherish and build the relationships in our life that mean the most - and these should bring us kindness and happiness, not sorrow and pain. I am willing to work to try and fix things. I hope we can.
1 comment:
This post makes me so happy. Not only are you finding yourself in a new way, but there are pictures of your smiling face. Yes, I enlarged the first pic to get a close up of your happy smile. Rock on, Geo. xoxo
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